


Corner of the World 29: Runaway

by serafina20



Series: Corner of the World [32]
Category: Smallville
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-03
Updated: 2011-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-17 11:57:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafina20/pseuds/serafina20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark runs away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corner of the World 29: Runaway

"Clark?" Jonathan called up to the loft. "You've overslept. I need you to feed the cows before you get ready to leave for the convention."

He waited a moment, expecting to hear the sounds of Clark getting up. Clark tended to be a light sleeper and woke at the slightest of noises. That had been a huge disadvantage when he was a child. The nights he would have nightmares, someone had to stay with him until morning. If either Jonathan or Martha tried to leave him, Clark would wake up, and it would sometimes an hour (or more) to get him back to sleep.

His sleep patterns had improved the last few years. Clark's nightmares had tapered off while in middle school, and he almost always slept through the night. And, on nights he couldn't sleep, he either kept to himself or called Lex until he was able to calm down. It seemed to work well, and Clark was rarely exhausted from being up all night. He also almost never overslept. On mornings he did forgot to set his alarm, it usually only took Jonathan's voice to get him out of bed, dressed, and ready to work.

Not this morning, apparently. There was no response at all, not even a groan.

"Clark?" A little worried, Jonathan climbed the stairs. Most of the time, he wouldn't go into Clark's room this early. Jonathan vividly remembered one morning last summer when Clark had presumably overslept. It'd been market day, and Jonathan had been worried they would be late, so he'd gone into Clark's room with only a brief knock.

Finding his teenage son masturbating was pretty low on the list of things Jonathan had ever wanted to do. Both he and Clark had been terrifically embarrassed, and Jonathan had sworn never to enter Clark's room without ample warning again. Privately he'd vowed never to go in during the morning; all Clark needed was a yell. But it appeared that he needed a little more today.

Jonathan grew dizzy with anger when he saw the empty bed. "I'm going to kill him. Both of them." Abruptly, he turned and raced back into the house.

"Jonathan?" Martha asked as he stormed by her. When he didn't answer, she followed him. "What's going on?"

He went to the back closet and pulled a heavy baseball bat out. "Clark's not in his room. I'll give you two guesses as to where he probably is."

Martha grabbed the bat. "Why do you need this?"

"I'm going to break down his fucking door, that's why I need this. I told them..."

"I know what you told them, Jonathan, I was there, remember? I helped make the rules," Martha interrupted angrily. "If you want to go get Clark, fine; he shouldn't have gone over. But remember this: Clark made the choice to go."

"Right," Jonathan said. "And Lex made the choice to let him stay.

Her face softened and she shrugged. "They're in love. Is it really that surprising that Lex couldn't turn him away?"

Jonathan set his jaw, determined not to be swayed. "I don't care, Martha. We told Clark that he was not to go over in the middle of the night, and he disobeyed us. I'm going to go get him so he knows that we meant what we said."

"I agree with you," she told him evenly. "I think Clark should be punished as well. But if you take this over, you'll never get on the grounds. Besides, do you really think that Lex won't admit you? He has to know that what they've done is wrong, and he's generally good at facing the consequences for his actions when it comes to him and Clark."

Reluctantly, Jonathan let go of the bat and stepped away. "You're right. Can you take care of the cows?"

"Of course." She kissed him on the cheek. "Go get him. And let him know he's in a lot of trouble."

"Don't worry," he said. "I will."

________________________________________

Lex had installed a new security gate after the last time he'd been robbed. The Kents were given the new code every week with the excuse that it would be easier for Clark to make his deliveries if he didn't have to wait to be buzzed in every time. It was just an excuse; as soon as the gate was in place, Jonathan had demanded they have access just in case Clark ever snuck over in the middle of the night.

At the time, Jonathan had hoped it would be enough of a deterrent for them, knowing that Jonathan could get onto the grounds at any time. Apparently he'd been mistaken.

Jonathan stopped the car and jumped out of the car. When he reached the door, he rang the doorbell five times and pounded on the door.

"Lex! Clark!" he shouted.

There was no answer, so he grabbed the door-knocker and slammed it furiously.

"Clark! Get your ass down here now!"

The house was still silent. It was as if no one was home.

Frustrated, Jonathan released the knocker and rang the bell once more. "I don't believe this. You'd think that he'd invest in a security camera or something."

"It's a good thing he has," Damien's voice said suddenly. "Otherwise his security guards would be converging on you right now instead of me."

Startled, Jonathan looked around until he found a speaker almost hidden in the stone. "You can see me?"

The door opened revealing Damien just inside. His hair was in disarray, but his pajamas and robe were straight and crisp, almost as if he hadn't slept in them. He didn't look pleased to see Jonathan, but then, in Jonathan's experience, Damien never looked anything but dry and emotionless. "The security guard can see you," Damien replied. "He alerted me when you punched the security code in the front gate. When you started your assault on the front door, he wanted to send the rest of the guards to detain you, but I called them off. Did you need something?"

"Yes. I want my son. Let me in."

Damien frowned and stepped back, allowing Jonathan to rush past him. If he was surprised that Jonathan seemed to know exactly where Lex's bedroom was, he didn't show it. Instead, he told Jonathan, "I don't believe that Clark is here, sir."

"Right," Jonathan said dryly. "He's not at home; where the hell else would he be?"

"Has he left for the convention yet?"

Jonathan stopped in the middle of the hall and turned to Damien. "How did you know about the convention?"

Damien shrugged. "I'm in charge of keeping Mr. Luthor's affairs in order, which means I must, at all times, know what his schedule is. Since he is serious about his relationship with Clark, I find it helpful to know Clark's schedule as well so I can anticipate any conflicts that may arise."

"Ah," Jonathan said after a moment, unhappy with the idea. He wondered if Clark knew that Damien knew his schedule, and, if so, why he hadn't said anything to him or Martha.

Unhappy with the idea that someone besides him or his wife was keeping track of Clark, Jonathan continued down the hall to Lex's room.

"I'm coming in!" he warned before he opened the door.

He needn't have bothered. The bed was empty and immaculate, the comforter full and soft with no wrinkles, pillows propped neatly against the headboard.

Behind him, Damien cleared his throat. "As I was going to say, sir, Mr. Luthor is not here. He stayed the night in Metropolis. There was little reason for Clark to come over."

A cold lump settled in the pit of Jonathan's stomach. His anger dissipated so quickly he felt dizzy, his limbs shaking slightly. Swallowing, he said, "Do you have the number where Lex is staying?"

Damien nodded. "Of course."

"Could I have it?"

"One moment." Damien went to the nightstand and pulled a pad of paper and pen from the top drawer. "This is his penthouse. It is probably the best way to get a hold of him at this hour; later in the day, he'll have his cell phone on.

He took the paper and stuffed it in his pocket. "Thank you, Mr. Walters. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"Of course."

The drive home was a blur, and he couldn't quite explain why. The shock of not finding Clark should have worn off by now; after all, there was nothing to worry about. This was Clark. Clark had proven on numerous occasions that he could take care of himself. He'd probably gone to Metropolis. It only took him a few minutes to cross the distance between the cities; while it was a major trip to the family, it was nothing to Clark. He'd probably believed he could drop by Lex's house for a few hours and be home before anyone noticed.

Except, Clark was going to the convention today. He had plans, and wasn't the type of person to endanger his plans in exchange for a few hours of pleasure. On top of that, Jonathan couldn't quite believe his son would disobey him quite so drastically. It was one thing to let his hormones get the better of him and run to his boyfriend's for the night; it was another to leave town.

Chloe was sitting on the front porch when Jonathan pulled up. She looked angry, her brow furrowed and fingers tapping on her knee. When Jonathan got out of the car, she shot up and ran to him.

"Was he there? Where is he?" Chloe demanded, half bouncing with almost nervous energy. "Clark and I need to get on the road if we're going to make it in time. That means we have to leave in ten minutes! Where is he?"

He rubbed his forehead wearily, passing her. "Clark wasn't at Lex's. I don't know where he is, Chloe."

She stopped dead. Intent on his own mission, Jonathan passed her and walked into the kitchen.

Martha wasn't there; he assumed she was still with the cows. Dropping his keys on the table, Jonathan went to the phone and dialed Lex's number.

Lex answered on the first ring. "Mr. Kent?" He sounded very alert.

Jonathan frowned. "I take it Damien called you?"

"Yes. He said Clark is missing?"

"He isn't in his room; I was hoping he was with you."

Chloe walked into the house and took a seat at the kitchen table. Her fingers began to drum on the hard wood, eyes fastened on Jonathan. The anger was gone from her face, replaced by worry.

"He's not here, Mr. Kent," Lex said, sounding frustrated.

"When was the last time you talked to him?"

"Last night. I called him before I went to bed."

"Did he know you were in the city?"

"Yes, but he knew that before I left. I told him I was staying all weekend." Lex hesitated. "We, uh... Clark and I got into a fight last night."

A coldness enveloped Jonathan suddenly, and he felt very far away from his surrounding. He swallowed hard and asked, "What?"

Lex cleared his throat. "We argued. Fought, whatever. He was upset when we hung up. Actually, he hung up on me. And wouldn't talk to me when I tried to call back."

Jonathan rubbed his face. "Jesus Christ," he sighed.

"What is it?" Chloe asked, sounding frightened.

"Clark and Lex fought," Jonathan told her.

She paled. "About what?"

"Lex, it might help us if we knew what the fight was about."

Lex didn't answer.

"Lex," Jonathan said sharply. The anger helped the coldness fade; as long as he had something to keep his emotional focus, Jonathan could concentrated on finding his son. Right now, Lex seemed to be a great focus.

The door opened and Martha walked in. Her hair was a mess, a sheen of sweat on her skin, and a streak of dirt decorated her forehead. Under normal circumstances, Jonathan would have found her irresistible, and he was irrationally angry at both Clark and Lex for taking that away from him.

She obviously could tell something was wrong. Her glance moved from Chloe's pale face to Jonathan's angry one before she asked, "What's happened?"

Pulling the phone away from his mouth, he answered, "Clark wasn't at the mansion. Lex is in Metropolis, and apparently they had a fight last night."

Martha ran into the living room and picked up the other line. "Lex, what happened?"

Lex's sigh blew over the line, sounding heavy. "I did something I shouldn't have done, Mrs. Kent. Nothing to him, I... I betrayed his trust."

"How?" she demanded.

"I can't," he whispered, voice sounding hoarse. Lex cleared his throat, then said in a louder voice, "I need to talk to him about it first. If I tell you, he'd never forgive me."

"We're his parents," Jonathan started, but Lex cut him off.

"Yes, you're his parents, but Clark is his own person, entitled to his own life, outside of you. What happened between Clark and me has to stay between us, at least right now. If he ever wants to share it with you, he can, but I can't. He'd never forgive me, and right now, I can't risk that."

"And if he doesn't turn up?" Martha put in. "What then?"

Lex sighed. "If Clark doesn't show up in twenty-four hours, I'll tell you everything, I promise. It won't help, but I'll tell you. He'll come back."

Jonathan glanced into the living room, meeting his wife's eyes.

Martha looked angry and devastated all at once. She had her hand to her mouth as she nodded at Jonathan minutely.

"All right; we'll let it go for now. But do you have any idea where Clark might be?"

"Honestly, he could be at the North Pole right now, and I would have no way of knowing," Lex said. "I don't know how fast or how far he can run; do you?"

"No, we don't. Look, Lex, I want you to stay where you are. Maybe Clark will come to you; he does know where you are, right?"

Lex laughed faintly. "Doesn't he always?"

"Right," Jonathan said dryly. "I'm going to have Chloe go to the conference..."

"I want to stay here and look for him!" Chloe protested.

Jonathan glanced at her. "What if he shows up there looking for you? He got in a fight with Lex, he obviously doesn't want to talk to Martha or me; you're his best friend."

"Don't you think that he'd assume I would stay behind for him?"

"Just go, Chloe. Please," Martha said. "You need to interview with the Daily Planet for a shot at that internship; Clark would be angry at himself if he thought he made you lose that chance."

She didn't look happy, but Chloe nodded. "Fine. I'll have my cell phone on all day; call me if you hear anything."

"We will," Martha promised.

Chloe nodded and left.

"I'll have someone go to my father's and make sure Clark's not there," Lex said. "I'd go myself, but, if Dad doesn't have him, I don't want Dad to know Clark is missing."

Sighing, Jonathan nodded. "That's fine. We'll call you if we hear anything."

"I'll do the same. Bye." Lex hung up.

Jonathan and Martha hung up as well, and crossed the room to each other.

"Where do you think he is?" Martha whispered, clinging to Jonathan.

He sighed again and kissed her hair. "Martha, I only wish I knew."

________________________________________

"You got in a fight?" Chloe yelled into her cell phone as she zoomed down the road towards Metropolis. "What the hell did you say to him?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Lex shouted back. "I never should have told you what happened. You're the one that scared him with all the stuff about rape you've been waving around."

Chloe's mouth dropped open. "At least I tried to do something to help him! You're the one who's been letting him get more and more insecure with each passing day, allowing him to draw away from everyone because you were too stupid to do anything."

"I was not too stupid to do anything; I've always been there if he wanted to talk."

"Yeah, great plan, Lex. Your father tried to rape him; I wonder why Clark never went to you to talk? That wouldn't be uncomfortable at all, would it be?" she said sarcastically.

There was a long silence.

"Lex?"

Clearing his throat, Lex said, "You're right, I didn't handle this the right way. I thought I was doing what was best. I thought... I don't know what I thought."

"You should have confronted him; you should have said something. Anything, Lex. I don't understand why you just let it go."

"Clark seemed to be coping with what happened!" Lex said. "Not like me. I mean, I fell apart after I was raped, and Clark didn't. He seemed fine, so I thought..." He broke off abruptly.

Chloe bit her lip, cursing herself internally. Why the fuck couldn't she learn to shut up? Or, at the very least, gather all the facts before jumping into a situation.

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to calm down and push her self-recriminations aside. "When did it happen, Lex?" she asked softly.

"Chloe..."

"Please, just tell me. Were you raped sometime in the distant past, or did Clark know?"

"Clark knew," Lex answered wearily. "It was when that contractor had me kidnapped. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah. And I remember how you wouldn't talk to Clark for a few days after; he was really worried."

"I was trying to get him to come to me. I didn't realize I had to do the same for him."

She shifted in her seat, trying to force herself to watch the road. "You knew. I mean, you wouldn't have sent him away if he had tried to talk about it, right?"

"Of course not. And I did try to talk about it a few times, but that wasn't until he started getting really bad. I should have known before."

"You're not a mind reader, Lex. And Clark didn't act the same as you did."

"No, he didn't. Which is why I thought he was ok. Not that I'm one to ask for help, but Clark should know that he could come to me." He sighed. "I just didn't recognize what he was going through at first; I was too wrapped up in my own pain." Then, laughing slightly, he added, "And I think Clark was too. He was so busy taking care of me, he was able to ignore what had happened to him."

"Right. Until it just got to be too much," Chloe replied. She brushed some hair out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, Lex. I knew that you'd been kidnapped and hurt, but I didn't know what that guy did to you. You don't deserve the blame for what's been happening to Clark; you were dealing with your own problems, too."

"Yeah, well." Lex sighed again. "Do you think I've lost him, Chloe? He... he was so angry. But it was more than that; he was hurt. I hurt him so much, and I never meant to."

Chloe was beginning to feel shaky and ill from everything that was going on. She had been so angry at Lex, and now her heart hurt for him just as much as it did for Clark. Not only had he been hurt by his own rapist, but she knew that Clark's violation had to be hurting him a well. "Lex, no. I'm sure you haven't lost him. Clark loves you."

"But can he forgive me for telling you this? It was a secret I promised to keep, and I didn't."

"Why did you tell me, Lex? I mean, I know I figured a lot of it out, but... why?"

Lex sighed again. "No one knows except my assistant. And he's not exactly the warmest man on earth. The only reason he cares about Clark's welfare is because I care about Clark's welfare. I needed to share it with someone who cares about Clark. And you do. It was selfish of me; I shouldn't have done it."

Chloe eased her foot off the gas as the traffic ahead slowed. "Lex, you couldn't keep it any more. It's understandable. And you didn't tell me for fun; I had to rip it from you, and this is probably one of the hardest secrets you've ever kept. You... you've done nothing wrong. Yes, you hurt Clark, but the secret was hurting you. It was too big for you to carry alone."

He laughed bitterly, sniffing. "Yeah. Right. And now I've lost Clark. It wasn't worth it."

"You have to make him understand, Lex. Tell him why you did it, and make him understand."

"What if I can't? What if..."

"Don't say it," she cut him off, wishing that she was with Lex so she could take him into her arm and hold him. "Just... just don't."

"Yeah," Lex sighed. "I won't."

________________________________________

"Thanks, Mr. Kent. I'll call you if I hear anything." Lana hung up the phone and shook her head, sighing. "He's still missing," she told Pete.

"Damn. And they're sure he's not with Lex?" Pete asked.

"Yes, they're sure. And no one seems to know where Whitney is either, so I wonder if they ran off together."

He snorted. "Maybe. But, still, if my kid was missing, I'd call the cops and have them check out Lex's."

"They called him; Lex isn't home. He's in Metropolis."

"Whitney has his car; he and Clark might have driven up to the city."

"Well, maybe Clark convinced Whitney to go to Lex's because he knew they'd be safe there." Lana frowned. "But that doesn't explain why he hasn't called his parents."

"Then Whitney probably isn't with him," Pete said. "If Whitney and Clark took off together, it'd be because Whitney was upset and needed a friend. Clark would have called someone by now. But, if Lex kidnapped Clark and has him stashed away, pumped full of drugs or... or sleeping with strange women, then Clark wouldn't call."

In spite of her anxiety, Lana started laughing. "Pete! Lex isn't leading Clark into some seedy world off sex, lies, and drugs. He l... he's Clark's friend; he wouldn't do that."

"Yes, he would," Pete answered seriously. "Luthor has got a past like you wouldn't believe. Sure, he acts all Sister Mary Sunday now, but underneath that exterior is the same out of control wild man."

Now she was giggling ever harder, which was totally inappropriate with both her ex-boyfriend and good friend missing. But the image of Lex in a nun's habit was too pervasive for her to keep a straight face. Lana couldn't help it.

"You laugh, but Lex is probably forcing Clark to take something like Ecstasy right now. Only he'll do it in such a way that Clark'll think it was his fault when he gets back, and he'll defend Lex. You know Clark."

"Yes," Lana finally managed to say, wiping her eyes. "I do know Clark. And if Lex were to try and pressure him to do anything, I know Clark's strong enough to say no. Besides, I know Lex better than you, and I think that I can look at him in a more objective light."

Narrowing his eyes, Pete said, "You don't think I'm objective when it comes to Lex?"

Lana rolled her eyes. "No, I don't. I know how much you hate him; I've heard you say it before, and Chloe's told me too. There's really no reason. It's not like he's done anything to you. What happened with your family was with his father, not Lex. Besides, at least he doesn't walk around calling you a frigid ice queen all the time."

"Does he really say that?" Pete asked, sounding skeptical.

"Yes, he does. Because of the whole thing..." Lana hesitated, then shook her head sharply. Pete already knew what happened, so there was no reason to hide it. "He calls me that because of what happened with Chloe. Lex took her side, and uses it as an excuse to start attacking me."

"That's not right. Does Clark know?"

Lana shook her head. "No. The only way Lex is going to lay off me is if I start standing up for myself. And, so far, it is working. Pete, don't worry about it, ok?" She touched his hand gently. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. The guy's an asshole. And I can't believe that Clark and Chloe told him that you were with Chloe but didn't tell me. I get that you were embarrassed and stuff, Lana, but give me a break. I'm their friend."

"Right, but Lex is..." Lana broke off, biting her lip.

Pete frowned. "Lex is what?"

Lana blushed and shook her head. "Lex is Clark's friend. But, back to what we were talking about, you have to admit, you are pretty dead set against Lex, and have been the moment he came into town."

"I just don't like the guy. He stole my best friend."

"Well, yeah. That's what happens." Lana pulled a rag out and started wiping down the counter.

"What does that mean? Are you telling me that it was just a normal part of growing up? Lex didn't steal my best friend, Clark just grew out of me? Because I don't think I'm ready to be grown out of."

"It's not exactly what I meant, but, yeah, I guess. People do grow apart when they grow older, especially when they meet someone they really make a connection with. And Lex didn't mean to steal Clark away from you. It wasn't some plot to break up the Pete/Clark friendship. There are other factors as to why you and Clark are growing apart."

"You mean like the fact Clark is into guys? That's weird, but it still doesn't..." Pete trailed off, frowning.

"Pete?" Lana frowned, looking into his almost stricken face. "Are you all right?"

Pete cleared his throat and asked, "Lana, you don't think... you don't think that Clark has a crush on Lex do you?"

She blinked and glanced away. "Um, Pete. That's something you're going to have to ask Clark. It's not really my place to say." Avoiding his eyes, she continued to wipe the counter, concentrating hard on an invisible spot.

Pete groaned and rested his head against the counter. "Oh, fuck. They're together, aren't they? They're... Do his parents know?"

Lana sighed and nodded. "Yes, his parents know."

He lifted his head. "And they're sure Clark isn't with Lex right now?"

"They called and asked. From what Clark's said, his parents made a bunch of rules and Lex is the one who insisted they follow them. Lex wouldn't lie to the Kents; he doesn't want to have to end his relationship with Clark."

Pete grimaced. "This is sick, man. I need mocha with extra chocolate to come to terms with this."

"It's on the house," Lana told him as she turned away to make it.

The cappuccino machine was loud and muffled Pete's voice. "What?" she called, glancing over her shoulder. Her eyes widened. "Whitney!"

"Hey, Lana," Whitney said, sounding tired. He sat down at the counter.

"Where have you been?" Lana asked. "Your mother has been looking for you for hours."

Whitney looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes, clothing damp and mussed, and hair wild. He sat next to Pete, slumping in his chair. "I was out driving for most of the night. Trying to get my head cleared. I didn't mean to make anyone worried."

"Everyone is worried, man," Pete said. "Is Clark with you?"

"No, why?"

"Clark's missing too. We were hoping the two of you were together, but, if you're not..." Lana trailed off, not wanting to contemplate what came after the "not."

"Clark's missing?" Whitney repeated.

"Yes," Lana said. "He wasn't in bed this morning and now no one seems to know where he is."

Whitney squeezed his eyes shut and swore. "Great. Just fucking great." He stood. "I'm going home and climbing into bed. Maybe if I sleep long enough, this nightmare might end."

"Whitney?" Lana started, but he just said "Bye," curtly and left.

Pete watched him go. "Ever feel as if you're two steps off from everyone else in the world?" he asked.

"Yes," Lana said, watching Whitney disappear through the door. "I know exactly what you mean."

________________________________________

Lex strode through the hospital towards Pamela's room, flowers clutched in one hand, phone in the other. He hadn't been able to make himself let go of the phone all morning, even though it had stayed depressingly silent.

Just like his mind. Well, the telepathic part, at any rate. Clark was blocking him out so hard, every time Lex tried to reach him, he was _thrown_ back out.

He'd reached two conclusions. One: Clark was purposely hiding from him, so he'd strengthened his shields so much, Lex was unable to find any entrance, no matter how hard he tried. Or, the less pleasant of the two: Clark was so scared of something and his mind in so much turmoil, it rejected anything that touched it with a force that threw Lex out. Which meant Clark was scared enough for his mind to go alien. And not much did that. In fact, Lex knew of only one thing that could make Clark that scared, that fast.

The only problem was Dominic had sworn that Lionel was alone. Well, not alone, alone; Christina Martin, one of Dad's mistresses was there. Dominic had told Lex it was the first liaison they'd had since Christina's suicide attempt, and Lionel had been displeased with the interruption. Fortunately, Dominic had a legitimate reason to be there: he needed to go over Lionel's personal accounts as well as schedule for the week. Lionel hadn't been suspicious of Dominic's presence, only unhappy.

Christina's presence worked to their advantage. With Lionel in the bedroom all morning, Dominic was free to search the house with the help of a maid who was under Lex's employment. They had made a thorough search and turned up nothing.

But Clark wasn't anywhere, and hadn't called anyone. Lex could only hope that Dominic was right, and that Lionel hadn't added a secret room to torture Clark in.

With a sigh, Lex pushed open the door to Pamela's room.

She was in bed, television on, eyes closed. Lex noted that she'd been put on oxygen the night before, and a new IV drip was hanging on the rack.

Not wanting to wake her, Lex took the vase of flowers to the bathroom, tossing the old one's out. Flowers in a hospital room were almost a novelty for him. Lex had never been able to have plants in his room, due to his asthma. His mother had had them at first, but as she grew worse, she'd grown sensitive to the pollen and all plants were forbidden. Pamela could have plants and, knowing how much she loved flowers, Lex brought her a new bouquet every day.

He carefully filled the vase with water and placed the new bouquet in it. After arranging the buds carefully, he took them into the room.

"You look worried," Pamela said as he entered.

Lex smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "Did I wake you?" he asked as he set the flowers on the stand next to the bed.

Pamela shook her head, and took the one white rose he offered her. "I've been drifting in and out all morning. I just drifted back in."

"I'm glad you did. How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"What's the new drip?"

"Morphine. I couldn't sleep last night because of pain, so they started me on it." She sighed, smiling softly. "I asked them to make my last days comfortable. I don't want to play the hero."

Lex took her hand, squeezing it. "I want you to be comfortable." His throat felt tight, but he forced himself to talk through it.

"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

Pamela looked at him closely. "I'm not sure if you're really here, though," she remarked after a moment. "Your eyes are so distant. What's the matter, Alexander?"

He rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Pamela, really. I want to be here, but I'm a little preoccupied right now."

"What's the matter?"

"My boyfriend's missing and I don't know where he is." Lex pulled his hand away from hers and stood. "He was supposed to be in town today. I was going to bring him here tomorrow so you could meet him, and now... Now, I have no clue what's going on." He turned and smiled tightly. "It's a little frustrating."

Pamela raised the bed so she could sit up. "I had no idea that you were in a relationship. Is it serious?"

Despite the anxiety that was knotting his stomach, Lex smiled and returned to his seat by the bed. "Yes," he answered softly after a moment. He looked up at her, knowing his eyes reflected the depth of his feelings for Clark. But it was ok to show his feelings here. He was with Pamela, and Lex could be as emotional as he wanted. She wouldn't care; in fact, she would encourage it. "It's very serious. I'm in love with him."

"Oh, Alexander, I'm so happy for you." Wincing, she shifted her position. "What's his name? Where did you meet him? How long have you been together?"

"We've been together six months. He's from Smallville. I, uh, the first day there I kind of ... drove off a bridge."

"You what?"

"There was an accident, and I drove off a bridge. He saved me. Pulled me out of the river and performed CPR. And then he took my heart with him. It was fate."

She smiled. "How romantic. What..."

Lex's cell phone rang, cutting her off.

He snatched it up. "Hello?"

"Lex, this is Chloe."

His shoulders slumped. "Hi, Chloe. I don't suppose you've heard anything."

"No," she replied glumly. "I was hoping that you would have."

"No word."

Chloe sighed. "Lex, I know you've checked, but are you sure your father doesn't have him?"

His head was beginning to throb. "Dominic swears that Clark isn't there. He searched the entire place, and didn't find him."

"But having someone else look isn't the same as you going there. I mean, you know your father; you'd be able to tell if he was hiding something, right?"

"Maybe. Look, I'm going to go over there, but I thought I'd stay here a little bit longer. Clark wouldn't look for me at my Dad's; he might look for me here."

"Is there anything I can do that will convince you to do it now?"

"What if Clark comes here looking for me?" Lex asked.

"What if you father has Clark chained in a room right now?" Chloe countered.

Lex's stomach twisted and he felt like he was going to be sick. "I'm going."

"Thank you," Chloe breathed. "I... Wait up, Sydney, I'll be there in a minute." Then, to Lex, she said, "Sorry; I was talking to someone else."

"No kidding."

"Call me after you check your father's out. I mean it, Lex, I have to know."

"I will. Bye." Lex hung up. "Pamela ..."

She shook her head, cutting him off. "You have to go, I understand. Well, I don't understand exactly, but..." She trailed off, looking past Lex. "What are you doing here?" she said, sounding confused.

Lex was suddenly afraid that his father was in the doorway. Dominic's assurances aside, Lex hadn't been able to shake the fear that Lionel had kidnapped Clark as punishment for Lex spending time with Pamela.

Taking a deep breath, Lex turned. When he saw Clark in the doorway, his relief was so powerful it made his knees weak.

"Clark," he breathed, crossing the room. As he did, he noticed that Clark was filthy: his face was nearly black with dirt, hair a dull gray, pajamas coated in mud, dry grass, and more dirt.

But it didn't matter, because Clark was here and he was safe.

Lex took a fistful of Clark's shirt and pulled him into his body. Clark fell into Lex without a word. His arms wrapped around Lex's back and held him tightly, almost to the point of pain, but Lex didn't care. Lex could feel Clark's body trembling, and Lex grabbed Clark by his hair and wouldn't let go. He was afraid if he did, Clark would run-away again, which was ridiculous. Clark was here; Clark had come to him, sought him out, and that meant maybe he could forgive Lex. But, more importantly, it meant he was here, he'd been found, and he wasn't going to go anywhere.

But Lex couldn't quite make himself believe it. Not after what had happened. Not only had Clark been missing, but it was obvious now that he'd run away. Run so far and so fast he'd disappeared, and Lex was certain if he let go, Clark would disappear again.

Lex sniffed, squeezing his eyes shut. His chest felt congested as he held Clark tighter.

 _Lex..._

Abruptly, Lex let go and pushed Clark away. His eyes were burning, and he found it hard to talk, but he held his cell phone out and rasped, "Call your parents."

Clark's eyes went wide, paling. "Lex..."

"Call them!" Lex shouted, shaking the phone. When Clark still didn't take it, Lex grabbed his hand and thrust the phone into it.

"Yeah, ok," Clark said softly. He left the room slowly, he shoulders slumped.

Lex wiped his eyes, turning his back to the door.

Pamela was looking at him, one eyebrow raised, and looking as if she didn't quite know what to say.

"Yes, I overreacted. I shouldn't have yelled at him." He stalked to the bed table and pulled a tissue from the box. "But he's been missing all night, and I thought... Never mind."

"I know that boy."

He nodded as he wiped his nose. "Yes, he told me the two of you met."

"Alexander, he... he's a child."

Lex's spine stiffened. He threw the tissue in the trash. "He's sixteen," he responded evenly.

"He's sixteen? Sixteen years old and in high school. You are twenty-one years old, a college graduate, and the manager of a factory."

"I know." Lex sat, forcing himself to stay calm. She didn't know Clark, that was all. Once she understood, Pamela would be ok with it. She would be happy for him. All Lex had to do was make her understand. "I know it looks like it shouldn't work, Pamela, but I love him."

"Lex..."

"Pamela, please. I really don't want to hear it. Not right now. You're sick, he just ran away, and I've had about all the stress I can take today and it's not even noon. So please hold the lecture until I'm strong enough to argue back." He took her hand. "Please."

She shook her head. "Darling, I need to lecture while I'm still strong enough. I know you can handle it."

With a tortured sigh, Lex lay his head on the bed. "Go ahead."

"Where do I start?" she asked herself. "Well, let's start with the obvious: he's underage."

"He's a minor, but over the age of consent."

"Really? And he has been the entire time?"

Lex cleared his throat and shifted.

"I thought not. I've already mentioned he's in high school; what could you possibly have in common with him?"

Truthfully, Lex had no idea how to answer the question. On the surface, he had nothing in common with Clark and knew it. It was one of the reasons he'd used to try and prevent himself from getting involved with Clark in the first place. But, when they were together, it just worked, and always had. Now, of course, Lex knew it was partially due to their bond, but it was more. He and Clark just fit.

But, since he had no idea how to explain it to Pamela, he didn't try. Instead, he lifted his head and shrugged.

"Is it about sex?"

"No," he answered truthfully.

She raised an unbelieving eyebrow. "Are you trying to tell me that you're not having sex with that child?"

"Will you please stop calling him a child! It makes me feel dirty, and my relationship with him isn't like that. Yes, we're sleeping together, but... but... fuck, Pamela, I'm in love with him. No, it doesn't make a lot of sense to someone who doesn't know us, but... Clark and I just make sense to each other. We managed to find each other and are making things work despite the problems; why can't you trust me?"

"Honey, I'm not trying to be cruel. I do trust you, but... I don't understand. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I won't."

"Lex, the boy just ran away from home. He is too young to be with you, and this episode is good evidence."

Lex covered his face with his hands. "He didn't just run away out of the blue, and he probably didn't mean to..."

"Oh, that's comforting. He didn't mean to run away and make everyone worry, it just happened."

"That's not what I meant. Clark... Things are different when they come to Clark. They have to be. I can't explain it to you, Pamela, no matter how much I want to. It's just... he's special, and I'm willing to put up with a lot of heartache because, in the end, he's worth every minute of it."

She was silent a moment, before whispering, "Really?"

Lex smiled. "Yes. I love him, Pamela; haven't you ever felt that way?"

There was a slight hesitation before she said softly, "Yes. I have." Sighing, she asked, "Do his parents know?"

"Yes, they do."

"What do they feel about all this?"

Lex shrugged. "His father isn't the happiest, but he's come to accept our relationship. And Mrs. Kent hasn't ever been anything but supportive.

Pamela sat up, gazing at Lex earnestly. "Does he make you happy?"

"Yes," Lex said, smiling softly. "He makes me very happy. So happy that I look at my future, and the only person I see myself with is him."

She looked exhausted as she fell back against the bed. Taking Lex's hand in hers, she squeezed it tightly. "Then I'm happy for you, Alexander."

Lex's breath caught as he squeezed her hand back. "Thank you."

________________________________________

"Mom, I'm sorry," Clark said, rubbing his eyes furiously. "I didn't mean..."

"To make us worry?" she cut him off. "You didn't mean to make us worry, is that what you were going to say? Because you have a funny way of showing it. Where the hell were you?"

Clark swallowed. "Uh, Arizona?"

There was a long silence.

"Mom? Dad?"

"Son, maybe you should say that again," Jonathan said.

"I was in Arizona. I think. I'm not exactly sure what state, but I was hiding in a cave."

"What were you doing there?" Martha asked crisply.

"Thinking."

"Thinking," she repeated.

"About what?" Jonathan was obviously making an effort to remain calm; his voice had been steady and even the entire conversation. Clark appreciated that, and clung to the security of knowing that no matter what he did, when one parent started yelling, the other remained calm and rational.

"I'm just going through some stuff right now that I need to work though," Clark answered. "Something happened last night that freaked me out, and I just started running. I wasn't going to Lex's, I swear."

"That's not the point, Clark," Jonathan started.

"I wish you had," Martha interrupted. "At least then we would have known where you were. What happened? Was it because of your fight with Lex? Was it a nightmare? What?"

Clark had been leaning against the wall, but now he slid to the floor. Pulling his legs into his body, he said simply, "Whitney came over last night to talk and, I don't know. Feel normal after what happened. We were talking and then he kissed me. And it scared me. A lot."

A throat cleared, but Clark couldn't tell which parent had made the sound. He imagined them exchanging looks, more confused now than alarmed.

"Uh... we don't know what question to ask," Jonathan admitted after a moment.

"I do. Did he try to do anything to you? Hurt you, touch you?"

"No! No, Mom, he just kissed me. I promise."

"Did you ask him to stop?"

He shrugged. "I couldn't. I was too surprised. And freaked. I didn't know what to do."

"Why not?" Jonathan sounded confused. "You could have pulled away and asked him to stop."

"But why did he do it in the first place? It must have been my fault; I must have given him some indication that I wanted him to do it."

"Clark, it wasn't your fault," Martha told him. "You've said that you and Whitney have been spending more and more time together. Maybe he just... realized he liked you and decided to see if you liked him. Like you did with Lex."

"Maybe," Clark said uncomfortably.

"Since when is Whitney gay?" Clark heard his father ask, voice sounding suddenly distant.

"That's not the point, Jonathan," Martha answered.

"Right." Into the phone, he asked, "What did he do when he realized it wasn't what you wanted?"

Clark closed his eyes and shrugged. "He apologized and left."

"I don't understand why you were scared," Martha said.

"I told you, I felt guilty. I didn't ask for him to like me; I didn't ask anyone to be attracted to me, and I didn't mean to make him want me. I was just so uncomfortable and confused and guilty and scared I just... I ran away before I thought." He rubbed his eyes again, trying to make the tears go away. "Look, I'm really, really sorry I made you worry. I..." His voice caught and he stopped speaking.

There were twin sighs over the line.

"We need to do something, Clark, but, frankly, I don't know what," Jonathan said. "Where are you? I'll come pick you up."

Clark closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I know I need to be punished. I understand that, and even... I feel so bad. I want to make it up to you. But... Lex and I got into a fight, and I need to talk to him. We have to work this out, and I don't think we can do it in the time it'll take you to come get me. Can I stay?"

"Clark..."

"I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. But I have to understand why he did what he did, or else I'll never be able to trust him with anything. And if I can't trust him, how can I be with him? And I... I can't not be with him. I can't not try to work this out. Do you understand?"

"I do," Martha said after a moment.

"Martha..."

"They need to talk, Jonathan, and we have to respect their relationship. If we don't let Clark stay and take care of what he needs to, it's as if we're saying that we don't believe that he and Lex are serious. I don't know what you feel, but I do view them as being in a serious relationship, and I have to treat it as such."

Clark held his breath while he waited for his father to answer. Jonathan never said anything, but after a moment, his mother said, "Thank you. Clark, please put Lex on. I want to talk to him."

"Thanks, Mom. Dad. I love you guys."

"We know," Jonathan responded.

The butterflies in his stomach eased ever so slightly as Clark went into the room. Lex was sitting by the bed holding Pamela's hand. When he entered, Pamela looked at him, her eyes cool and guarded.

Clark cleared his throat. "Uh, Lex?"

Lex turned, face going neutral as he did. "Yes?"

Clark held the phone out. "My folks want to talk to you."

"All right." He rose and took the phone. Clark tried to take hold of his arm, needing to touch Lex and reassure himself, but Lex pulled away and brushed past him.

Tears rose to his eyes, but Clark forced them back. He turned and studied the wall a moment, getting a hold of his emotions.

"Clark?" Pamela said softly after a moment.

He sniffed. "Yeah?"

"Come sit down."

"I can't. Thanks." Sniffing again, he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

"He's just worried, Clark. Come sit down." This time she said it firmer.

Clark obeyed, wiping the last of his tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered, sitting down. "I didn't mean to ruin your time with Lex."

She shrugged. "Things happen." She hesitated, then asked, "Why did you do it?"

"It's complicated."

"Maybe talking it over with someone will help. Since you obviously don't want to talk to your parents."

"I did talk to them. Sort of. Look, I've never even wanted to run away from home, and I didn't mean to last night. I freaked out about something and needed to get out. I just... kind of kept going."

Pamela raised her eyebrow. "You just kept walking until you found yourself here."

"Sort of." He sighed and rubbed his face. "It's just, a lot's happened this year, and I... I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"If you didn't mean to hurt anyone, you wouldn't have run away."

"Yeah, like you've never hurt anyone by leaving them before," Clark shot back angrily.

Pamela blanched and looked away.

Immediately sorry for his words, Clark said, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. Really, I... I had no right to say that. Because you're right, I should have thought before I went, but I was so scared..."

"What were you scared of?" she asked, cutting him off.

Clark blinked and looked down at his hands.

"Clark?"

He shook his head. "I can't," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Clark, look at me, please." She was beginning to sound worried, and Clark really wished she was still angry at him. It would be easier to deal with.

Blessedly, Lex walked into the room just then. "Clark? I need to talk to you a moment. Excuse us, Pamela."

"Of course."

Heart thudding in his chest, Clark stood and followed Lex into the bathroom.

Lex closed the door and turned to him. "You parents said you want to stay in Metropolis and talk to me."

Clark nodded. "We need to talk."

"I know. And I want you to stay."

He frowned. "Why do I hear a 'but' coming?"

"Because there is one. I... You don't run away from me very often, but right now, I'm terrified you will. We have a lot we need to talk about today, and most of it's going to be upsetting. It has to be, because I... you have to face what happened, and understand why I told Chloe what I did. Before we go to the penthouse, I need you to promise me that you won't run away. I'm not asking you to promise that you won't run ever again because that's too big a promise. I need to know that you won't run away this weekend, or however long you stay with me. If you want to leave, I'll call your parents, or send you home in the limo, but you have to swear that you won't run."

A horrible quivering feeling started in Clark's stomach, rising up through his body until tears filled his eyes and he couldn't quite breathe properly. He bit his lip to keep the tears from spilling over, his eyes fastened on Lex's belt buckle.

"Clark?" Lex prompted.

"You don't trust me," Clark said in a sobbing gasp.

"Clark, I do. But you... my heart got ripped out this morning when I heard you were missing, and I need some kind of assurance it won't happen again. This isn't because I don't trust you, Clark. It will just make things easier on me if I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you won't disappear on me again."

Wiping his eyes, Clark nodded. "I promise. I swear. Lex... I won't run, ok? I won't."

Lex sighed, his body sagging slightly as he did. "Thank you." Then, frowning, he ran his eyes over Clark. "You're filthy." Lex touched Clark's sweatshirt, making a face at the dirt that was embedded in the fibers, then glanced at his face and hair. "Were you rolling in dirt or something?"

"Hiding in a cave. In Arizona."

Lex paled, but merely nodded. "Let's go to the penthouse and get you cleaned up. We'll talk afterwards."

"Ok." Then, before he left, Clark said, "Lex?"

"Yes?"

Clark stepped into Lex, holding him tightly. He shook as he began crying again, this time not holding back.

Lex seemed to understand. Without saying anything, he simply put is arms around Clark and held him tightly.

A few minutes later, Clark pulled back. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Of course." Lex slipped his hand into Clark's. "Let's go."

________________________________________

Perched very uncomfortably on the edge of the bathtub, his feet firmly planted in the hot swirling water on either side of Clark, for the third time Lex poured a dollop of shampoo into his palm. "Really, Clark," he groused as he slide his hands into the wet locks and began working the shampoo into a later. "Were you just picking up handfuls of dirt and rubbing it into your hair and skin? Because this is getting ridiculous."

Clark shook his head. "It was just really dusty, that's all."

"That's a considerable understatement."

When they had arrived at the penthouse, Lex had immediately marched Clark into the bathroom. After stripping Clark's pajamas off, which were unsalvageable, Lex had pushed Clark into the shower. When the shower had proved to be almost ineffective against the dirt, Lex had filled the bathtub and proceeded to scrub Clark thoroughly. Clark was only just now beginning to look clean enough by Lex's standards.

Clark sighed and leaned against the tub. "Why don't you get in with me?" he asked in a low voice.

Lex shook his head, scrubbing behind Clark's ears and replied, "No, thank you."

"Why not?" Clark sounded hurt. He pulled away from Lex and turned, insecurity written in his eyes. "Don't you... don't you want me?"

Stomach coiled tightly in sudden desire, Lex sighed. "Of course I want you. And I'd love to take you in my arms and make love to you. But it's not going to fix things, Clark; sex isn't going to make our problems go away. We need to talk."

"Can't we talk after?" he asked in a throaty voice, gazing at Lex through his eyelashes.

Struck suddenly by the ridiculousness of the situation, Lex bit back a laugh. A six foot four heartbreakingly beautiful alien whom Lex loved was sitting in his bathtub, asking Lex to make love to him, and Lex was saying no. Six months ago, he would have been in the tub without a second thought; but that was before, and right now, he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of Clark like that.

Clearing his throat, Lex said, "Turn around," and picked up the faucet nozzle to rinse the suds out.

Lips trembling, Clark obeyed.

"I think," Lex said, picking through Clark's hair after he'd rinsed it, "that it's all out."

"Can I get out now? I've been in here forever."

"Wait." Lex picked up the loofah, squeezed some bath gel on it, and washed Clark's back once more. It probably wasn't necessary; Clark was practically glowing, he was so clean, but Lex needed those precious seconds in order to get control over and steel himself for what would be coming next.

One final rinse, and Clark was clean. Lex kissed him on the neck and said, "Ok. You may get out now." He rose and stepped out of the tub himself, handing Clark a towel.

Clark climbed out of the tub, taking the towel from Lex. "Uh, I didn't exactly bring any clothes. What am I going to wear?"

Lex opened the bathroom closet and pulled out a white terry cloth robe. "You can wear this for now. I've called a store and ordered some clothes to be sent over. They'll be here soon."

"When did you get this?" Clark asked, putting on the robe.

"I've had it for a while; I, uh, keep robes of various sizes here, just in case." Lex could feel his cheeks warm as he admitted that.

He frowned. "Anything else?"

Lex cleared his throat. "Various sized underwear, and a few extra shirts."

"Just men's?"

"No. Why? Do you want to try on matching bra and panties?"

Clark blushed. "No." He licked his bottom lip, eyes glinting and said, "I wouldn't mind seeing you in them, though."

"Sounds kinky," Lex said, smiling. "We'll have to try it sometime. But not today."

"No." Clark walked into the bedroom and lay down on the bed. "I'm tired." He yawned hugely, eyes fluttering shut.

Lex slid on the bed next to him. "Do you want to sleep or talk?"

Clark sighed. "I don't know," he answered after a moment. He opened his eyes, looking into the distance.

Lex held his hand out to Clark, careful not to insist Clark take it. The last thing he wanted to do was push anything today; they had to talk, and Clark knew it, but once Lex tried to direct the flow of conversation, Clark would shut him out. It wasn't easy letting Clark take the lead; Lex was used to taking charge by sheer force of personality. But he had to let that go for now.

A long moment past before Clark took Lex's hand, threading their fingers together. He studied their fingers, before looking into Lex's eyes. "Why did you tell her?"

"Because," Lex answered softly, "I needed someone else to know. Holding it in... it was hurting me. Knowing what happened, and knowing that you weren't getting any better; it hurt."

"Getting better? What do you mean?" Clark asked, rolling onto his side.

Lex sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. I honestly don't. I kept hoping that you'd talk to me about it. Cry or... or get mad or something. That it would come out somehow and I could comfort you. Hold you, and make you feel better about it. But you didn't, and I had to watch you gradually pull in on yourself. You kept getting worse and worse: ignoring what was going on in school, covering yourself, running away when you got upset. And I couldn't stop it; I didn't know what to do."

"So you had to tell my best friend that your father tried to... to rape me?" Clark's voice shook. "You told my best friend the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. How the hell was that supposed to help?"

"I don't know! And I don't know why I told her. I was... I was weak, all right?" He sat up, pulling his hand away. "I failed you, Clark. I promised I would protect you, and I didn't. Couldn't. And you were so scared; I could feel how scared you were. That's what woke me up after Dad knocked me unconscious: I could feel your terror. And I've had to live with this guilt ever since. I... I just couldn't do it anymore. It came out, and I never meant to tell her, but it came out."

Clark covered his face with his hands. "You've been living with guilt? Why? It wasn't your fault."

"I shouldn't have left you alone; I should have known he was outside, waiting to come in and try something. It was my fault this happened."

Clark rose abruptly, and began pacing. "Lex, don't be stupid. You didn't do anything. Ok? And... and you were hurt; I didn't even know. My fear made you wake up? Well, I didn't even know you were hurt." His mouth crimped slightly. "I... I thought something was wrong, but I didn't feel it happening, and I don't know why."

"I think I had my shields up, Clark. Remember? I was sick, and it was affecting you, so I raised them; you didn't feel me because I was cut off from you."

"Then why..."

"When I got knocked out," Lex interrupted smoothly, "I lost the mental coherence necessary to keep the shields up. They fell, and your fear flooded me. You would have figured out what happened, but by that time, Dad was in the room with you."

Clark scrubbed his hand over his face. "You shouldn't feel guilty. I'm the stupid one, ok? It was all my fault. You know it; I know it. Hell, even your father knows it. He knew it first! If he hadn't, he never would have... he never would have tried to do it."

Lex frowned, confused. "Clark, what are you talking about?"

"I didn't do anything," Clark said, tears welling in his eyes. "To stop him. I-I... I didn't do anything. I just s-sat there and l-let him touch me. Hurt me. Do th-things to me." He broke off, wiping his eyes furiously. "And your dad, he must have known I was too stupid and scared to do anything. He knew I was just going to sit there and let him... if you hadn't come in, I just would have let him r-rape me."

"Clark, no." Lex jumped up from the bed. "That doesn't make it your fault, Clark. He's the one..."

"How is it not my fault!" Clark practically screamed. "I'm the alien freak who can bench press a tractor and run faster than the wind! How is me just sitting there when I could get away not my fault?"

"You were terrified..."

"I've been scared before."

"Yeah, but you've never been sexually molested before, Clark," Lex said sharply. "It's an entirely different matter."

Clark shook his head, tears falling faster. "How? I've faced down every mutant freak that's shown up in Smallville. I've saved my friends. I've saved you, and I couldn't save myself." Walking away from Lex, Clark said, "I can't tell anyone, Lex. My parents would hate me. Dad... he'd never be able to look at me again."

"Clark..."

"I mean, if I told them that your father tried to rape me, Dad would want to know what happened, exactly. And I have to say that he walked into the room, closed the door and just started touching me. I'd have to tell Dad that I sat there and let him do it, and I was too afraid to try and do anything else. Then he'd know that he has a coward for a son, who..."

"Clark!" Lex shouted, placing his hand on Clark's back.

Clark stiffened and stopped talking.

Lex sighed and shook his head. "Since when has your father been concerned about your being a coward?"

"He hasn't had to be."

"He would understand."

"He would never be able to look at me the same away again," Clark said insistently, crying harder. "I wouldn't be his son anymore. I'd be the boy that let Lionel rape him."

Lex stepped in front of Clark, face twisted in anger. "Stop it, Clark. You..."

"And you told Chloe! You told her and now she knows. She knows I'm weak and... stupid. Oh, sure, she feels sorry for me, but it was my own fault. Maybe she doesn't know it now, but one day she'll figure it out. Because... because I guess it's obvious, right? Your father knew, Whitney knows, and..."

"What do you mean Whitney knows?" Lex interrupted.

Clark's face crumpled and he swayed on his feet. "Whitney kissed me."

"What?" Lex hadn't meant to shout, but the news took him completely off guard.

"I'm sorry!" Clark sobbed. He sank to the floor, hiding his face in his knees. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Lex, please d-don't... I don't want to break up. I didn't like the kiss. Please, don't... I'm sorry."

Eyes squeezed shut, Lex forced himself to get control over his reactions. Clark was too upset to read him accurately right now. He wasn't going to understand that it wasn't Clark Lex was angry with; it was the fucking quarterback who took advantage of him.

After counting to ten and back, Lex took a deep breath and opened his eyes. "Clark, it's ok. I don't want to break up with you," he said softly, sinking to the floor.

"I didn't mean to let them touch me, really," he whispered. "They just saw..."

"Clark." Lex took Clark in his arms and smoothed his hair down. "There isn't anything about you that makes people want to hurt you. Yes, you're attractive, but that doesn't matter. Your looks don't invite other people to hurt you."

Clark only sobbed in reply.

Closing his eyes, Lex opened his mind and ^slid^ into Clark's mind.

 _You have to calm down, Clark._

 _I can't._

 _Yes, you can. Take a deep breath and come back to me. Please, come back._

Clark took a deep, gasping breath. He clutched Lex convulsively as he exhaled, fingers digging painfully into Lex's shoulders.

Lex ignored the pain and began trying to guide Clark's breathing. It took a moment, but they began to synchronize, hearts beating in unison, both breathing steadily, a strange calmness settling over them like a net.

"Tell me what happened between you and Whitney," Lex said after a moment, stroking Clark's hair.

Clark burrowed against Lex. "He came over last night to talk. He kissed me."

"Did you kiss him back?"

"No. I was too scared."

"Why were you scared?"

"I don't know."

Lex wiped the tears from Clark's cheek. "Did you think he was going to try to rape you?"

"No!" Then, in a calmer voice, Clarks said, "Whitney wouldn't do that. He just kissed me."

"Then why were you scared?"

"I... Your father said that he'd like... like doing it. Because I was beautiful. He doesn't like being with men, but he said it would be good with me. And... Whitney must have... I must have made him feel the same way. He's not gay; something about me must have made him think that it was ok to kiss me even though I'm a guy. I made him kiss me, and I was afraid that when he realized what I did, he'd be angry and... and, yeah, I was afraid he'd try to hurt me."

Lex stroked Clark's hair soothingly, wanting to keep him calm enough to talk. "You just told me that you didn't think he would rape you."

"I don't know what I think anymore," Clark whispered. "Ever since Chloe started with the rape stuff, everything is just so confusing."

"I'm so sorry I told her, Clark."

Clark squeezed his eyes shut. "I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't." Lex kissed the damp hair lovingly. "When you didn't kiss him back, what did Whitney do?"

"Ran away."

"Did he say anything?"

"Yeah. He said that he was sorry and didn't know why he did it. And then he left. And then I left." Clark sniffed. "I'm so sorry, Lex. Really."

"Clark, you didn't do anything wrong."

"What if I wanted him to kiss me?"

Lex frowned. "Did you?"

Clark shrugged. "I don't know. Not really, but... I think I have a crush on him. Just a little one; just enough to... to be attracted to him. Not to be with him."

"Clark, we've talked about this; you're allowed to be attracted to other people. It's ok that Whitney's attracted back; it's not your fault."

Clark pulled away. "It has to be, Lex. Why else would he think he could do that? Kiss me, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"I must have given him some idea that I was interested in him, otherwise he wouldn't have. Just like I must have given your father the idea that... that he could touch me and I wouldn't do anything."

Lex sighed, petting Clark's hair. "Clark, they are two entirely different things. My father tried to rape you because he was trying to hurt your father. Whitney kissed you because he's attracted to you. True, he's vulnerable and confused right now, and may not have been thinking clearly when he kissed you. But based on what I saw of him on your birthday, I think it's a possibility that he likes you. And he ran away because he was confused; if he had been thinking clearly, Whitney would have handled the situation differently."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," Lex replied, running his hand over his scalp, "when I've kissed someone who really didn't want me, I just stopped and apologized. I might be uncomfortable, but I don't run away. I'm not guilty. If Whitney ran away, it sounds like he might have felt guilty."

Clark wiped his eyes. "Why?"

"Maybe because you very obviously didn't want to be kissed. You didn't kiss him back. You said you were scared; he probably saw how much he scared you. And, he might have been embarrassed about his feelings."

"Why?"

"Clark, don't you remember how embarrassed you were when you first told me how you felt?"

Clark flushed and nodded. "Yeah."

Lex smiled. Taking Clark's hand, he said, "You need to talk to Whitney about what happened; get things cleared up. But not now. Right now, we have to talk about what happened with my father."

Clark's face fell and tears rose to his eyes.

"Clark, where did you get the idea it was your fault?"

"It seems obvious, doesn't it? If your father hadn't known I was just going to sit there and let him... do that to me, he would have done something else."

"He didn't think you were just going to sit there. Dad knew you would fight him, so he did everything he could to get you vulnerable and scared enough that you wouldn't know what to do. He was trying to overwhelm you; that's why he threatened your family and beat me," Lex said. "Dad was so certain that you would be able to overpower him, that he stacked the deck in his favor."

Startled, Clark looked up at Lex. "I, uh. I never thought of it like that."

"Rape is about power, Clark. Part of its power is the ability to scare the victim enough so he feels like he can't fight back. Dad knew that he had to make you feel powerless, and he did a good job of isolating you."

"But he really didn't do much to me. I mean... when that guy raped you in the club, you couldn't fight back. He tasered you, and put you in a strait jacket, and hung you upside down. You were powerless. All your father did was close the door."

Lex winced and shook his head. "It doesn't matter how much or little my dad did, Clark. Psychologically, you were just as powerless as I had been. Hell, if you had been in my place with the Jude look alike, you would probably had been a lot less powerless than I was. Or than you were with Dad. I'm afraid of heights; I'm terrified of losing control, and I couldn't sense you. I was just about as vulnerable as I've ever been. When dad tried to rape you, you'd been separated from your family, separated from me, and reminded that, no matter what you are, the world perceives you as a kid. You were vulnerable, Clark, and Dad played off that vulnerability. But that doesn't make it your fault. My father is a frightening man, with a lot of power. Older and more powerful men than you have been cowed into submission; there is nothing to be ashamed of."

Tears rose to Clark's eyes again. "It's just... I'm so embarrassed. I feel... I save people all the time, and I couldn't defend myself. And I feel stupid that I couldn't. And now Chloe knows."

"Chloe doesn't think you're stupid, Clark. She understands. There's no reason to be embarrassed." Lex squeezed his hand. "You fought him off, Clark. You did. And you survived what he tried to do." Lex took Clark's face between his hands. "Maybe you would have been too scared to do anything. But I know you, Clark; after the initial paralysis, you would have gotten away. It's natural to have been scared. It was a frightening situation. And even if he had raped you, you would have survived. And both Chloe and I know that. You're a survivor, and you're stronger than my father."

Clark shook his head, but Lex held him firmly.

"Yes, you are. My dad is so weak that he had to hurt a fifteen year-old boy to prove his power. And he failed. You proved to him that you were stronger; just tossed him aside like he didn't matter. That's what you need to hold onto, Clark. Not the fear; not the vulnerability. Hold onto the strength you showed. You have power, Clark; don't let him take that away from you."

"I'm afraid he's going to hurt my family," Clark whispered. "He said he would. He'd take away the farm, get me taken from them for good. I don't want him to hurt my parents."

Lex shook his head, pulling Clark's head down so it rested on his shoulder. "I won't let that happen. If it comes to that, I'm on your side, and I will do everything I can to protect you."

Clark sniffed, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his robe. "What if he finds out about me? I'm afraid that he'll find out what I am and want to do experiments on me. That he'll kidnap me. And... touch me, to find out how aliens... you know."

"I know," Lex replied softly. "I have those fears too. But don't let it take over your life. You know you have me on your side; I'll do anything it takes to make sure he doesn't hurt you. And you have amazing inner strength, Clark. You've lived with your secrets for twelve years, and you've only told me. You were able to protect yourself and your family for a long time. And you can live through this. You just have to realize it wasn't your fault."

"But I feel..."

"I know. But it wasn't your fault, and you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of." Lex kissed him gently. "I love you, Clark. What can I do to make you understand that you've done nothing wrong?"

Clark shook his head. "I don't know. I want to believe you, but then I see myself in the bed, letting him touch me."

"I let someone tie me up once," Lex said suddenly, the memory popping into his mind unbidden. "I met him in a club, sold him some drugs, and... Well, anyway, he told me that there was a better club he wanted to take me to. So, I got in his car with him, and he drove to an alley. All he said was not to run and not to scream. That was all it took in that situation for me not to fight back. To make me powerless. He tied me up and burned me with his cigarette lighter. And I just let him do it." He had to fight to keep his voice even. The memory still upset him, but he hated to let anyone see.

Clark felt it, though; Lex could see the myriad of emotions in his eyes: anger at someone hurting Lex, the terror and helplessness Lex had felt, the guilt that came afterward, and the eventual acceptance.

His lips twitched as he caught the end of the memory. "But I can't frame anyone for murder."

"No. But you don't need to. The only way I could deal with the hurt was to hurt back. You're stronger than that."

"What if... what if I don't get better right away?" Clark whispered. "Because I, I don't know if I can make myself believe this overnight."

Lex shook his head. "No. It won't happen overnight. But keep reminding yourself that you're a survivor and that you're strong. Talk to me, or Chloe, or someone about what you're feeling. But don't let my father make you believe it was your fault. Don't let him have that power of you."

Clark's face crumpled and he shook his head. The tears started flowing down his face again and he melted into Lex's embrace. "I don't want him to have any power over me. I... no."

Lex's sigh was one of extreme relief. Clark was going to get better; he was going to fight against this. Eventually, everything was going to be ok.

Taking Clark into his arms, Lex rocked him gently and told him, "Good. Then he never will."

________________________________________

"Look, Chloe, it's not just you," Lex told her, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder. He was trying to make tea, and not having a very easy time of it. All his life, tea had simply been poured into his cup. "Making" tea meant adding honey and lemon, or sugar and milk. Trying to figure out how much tea to put into the infuser was unfamiliar, so he was trying to treat it academically, like a science experiment.

"What do you mean it's not just me?" Chloe asked.

"I don't think Clark wants to see anyone right now."

"Lex, I swear I won't do or say anything. I just want to see him; make sure he's ok," Chloe replied.

Lex sighed. "Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

"No, I can't. I need to see him soon. I've been feeling sick all day. I feel like all of this is my fault, and..."

"It's not," Lex interrupted. "Yes, he was upset about all your pamphlets, but that wasn't the final blow."

"What was?"

He shook his head. "Uh-uh. No way, I am not falling into this trap again. I've already told you enough."

"Please?" She begged prettily; Lex could visualize her in his mind, batting her eyelashes and pouting.

"No."

Chloe sighed. "I'm his friend."

"And he'll tell you if or when he feels like it," he countered.

"Will you at least ask him if I could see him? The conference doesn't end for three more hours, and I'll need to get something to eat before I head home. Just ask."

Lex considered it a moment, and nodded. "All right. He's asleep right now, but I'll ask when he wakes up. I'll... I'll see if he'll consider going out to eat, like we had planned originally. Does that sound good?"

"Yes, it does. Thank you, Lex."

"You're welcome. I'll call you later. Bye."

"Bye."

Lex hung up and went to the refrigerator. He'd had the kitchen stocked on Friday, so there was plenty of food. He reached in a pulled out the milk.

"No!" Clark shouted from the other room.

Without hesitating, Lex dropped the carton and bolted for the bedroom.

"Clark?"

Clark was laying on his back, breathing in short, panicked gasps. One hand was pressed into his forehead as if he were trying to blot nightmarish images from his mind. His body was moving slightly, feet sliding up and down the sheets, hips writhing.

Lex quickly climbed on the bed next to him. "Clark, it was a dream," he said softly, rubbing soothing circles on Clark's belly. "You're safe. Calm down, I'm here."

He rolled into Lex, pressing his face into Lex's chest. Still breathing heavily, Clark made a noise deep in his throat, fingers grasping Lex's shirt and tugging at it frantically.

"Clark?" Lex started.

His shirt ripped, and Lex hissed slightly as Clark's nails scratched down his skin. It was obvious that Clark didn't mean to hurt him, he was just desperate to get Lex's shirt off and didn't notice what he was doing.

 _Touching_ Clark's mind gently revealed to Lex that Clark had withdrawn deeply under his alienness and was acting solely on instinct. His breath caught with sudden fear, unsure if he was ready--or willing--to be mauled, but a moment later he realized he needn't have worried. Clark's actions weren't sexual. Instead of stripping Lex further, or beginning to initiate anything, Clark simply pressed his face into Lex's chest, breathing deeply and holding him close.

The utter familiarity of it all washed over Lex in a wave of relief. He knew this, remembered this in the recesses of his mind where he hadn't allowed himself to go in years.

Relaxing, Lex wrapped his arms around Clark, stroking up and down his bare back tenderly.

Gradually, Clark's breathing began to slow and his mind calmed. His body, though, was still tense, and Lex couldn't understand anything that Clark was thinking. He was calmer, but his thoughts and feelings were still alien.

Lex sighed and trailed his fingers in Clark's hair, breaking apart the knots that had formed. "I could always tell when you were upset when we were kids," he said softly.

In his arms, Clark stiffened and pressed himself harder into Lex.

"It didn't happen often. You were... well. You were all sweetness and light, and you were the bright spot in my life. No matter what was happening, I knew that you were there, and you'd be there to hold me, and play with me and tell me without words that everything was going to be all right.

"And then there were days there was a cloud over your face. You weren't there to comfort me; you needed to be comforted. If you'd been anyone else, I wouldn't have tolerated that need. But I never minded with you. You taught me how to share." Lex smiled and combed Clark's hair a little more. It was beginning to become soft and silky, curling slightly against his head. "My entire life, and I've only cared about four people's feelings: Mom, Pamela, Dad--because I never wanted to make him mad--and you. I loved you so much, Kal. Still do."

He kissed Clark's head. "When you were upset, everything was different. You'd pull me into Kiptin, I think; you've tried to do it a few times recently, and I think that's what would happen then. I would suddenly get very tired and need to find a place to lie down. When I would, I'd go to Kiptin and there you would be. You always sat on the middle of the bed when you were upset, with a pillow against your chest. And when I'd get there, you'd look up at me with those big, beautiful eyes full of sadness, hold your arms out, and say, 'Lex.' And I'd know you were upset."

Clark twitched, inhaling sharply. Glancing down, Lex could see Clark's eyes were shut, his mouth working as if he were trying to form words.

Lex opened his mind and _touched_ Clark's gently.

His thoughts were fragmented oddly, part alien, part human. Clark was trying to say something, to put together a coherent thought, and failing. And that failure was making him panic, a panic which was seeping into Lex and making it hard to breathe.

"Calm down, Clark," Lex said soothingly, ignoring his urge to give into the fear. He ran his fingertips behind Clark's ears and tugged at the tips gently. "Don't fight yourself, angel; just relax."

Clark took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. His arm snaked around Lex's waist under the torn shirt, and Clark pressed his lips above his heart. The dark cloud of panic receded.

"When I would see that you were upset," Lex continued, rolling onto his back and pulling Clark with him, "I would climb on the bed to be with you and take you in my arms. You always insisted that I had to have my shirt off. I never understood, but I think you liked listening to my heart, like you're doing now. I'd talk to you. You seemed to like hearing my voice. The first time it happened, I couldn't figure out what was going on. Of course I knew you were upset, but I didn't know what to do. You dragged me to the bed, tore off my shirt, and curled up on my chest, but you were still so agitated. Finally, I started talking; it seemed to work. So, when it happened again, I knew what to do."

"Hum," Clark said suddenly. His mind was calming, eyes gazing distantly into a corner of the room. "You... you would hum."

Lex smiled. "That's right. I don't even remember how I discovered it, but you calmed a lot faster when I hummed. You'd have your ear against my chest, feeling the vibrations." He ran his fingertip over Clark's eyelashes lightly. "After a while you'd calm down. The whole time, you would never say a word. You were so silent, sometimes making little noises in your throat, normally not. And the only way I would know you were relaxing was when..."

A tear fell on Lex's chest, and Clark sniffed.

"Was when you started to cry," Lex finished softly, muscles relaxing. He hadn't realized how tense he had been until the tension left his body. Sighing, he caressed down Clark's back, rubbing in hard circles as Clark cried.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lex asked after a bit.

"No." Clark's voice was muffled, face pressed into Lex's chest. A moment later he said, "I haven't... I haven't dreamed about it much. At all."

"No. You've been repressing it."

He nodded. "I guess. I just thought it would make things easier if I pretended everything was normal. That if I ignored what happened, it'd go away."

"Clark" Lex sighed, stroking his hair. "You can't expect things to get better by repressing them. Problems like this don't fade away; you have to face them."

Another tear fell on Lex's chest. "I just wish I was strong enough," Clark whispered.

"You are. It might feel overwhelming, but you can get through this. And you don't have to do it alone."

Clark sighed. "I wanted to do it myself. To show myself that I could handle everything. I felt so weak after what happened, I thought if I were able face this alone, I'd feel better. Prove that I was strong."

"But you weren't dealing with your problems, Clark," Lex said insistently. "Ignoring them isn't the same as working through your feelings about what happened. And maybe, if you had faced it alone, you would have been able to get better, but you haven't. And I want to help you. I want you to be able to talk to me."

There was a long silence. Clark traced a pattern on Lex's bare chest.

"Clark?"

"I didn't want to put you in the middle," Clark said finally. "I didn't want to hurt you."

Lex sighed, his eyes falling shut. "Clark, none of this was your fault, and you deserve to be able to go to someone you love with this. I know he's my father, but my heart is yours."

Clark smiled and pressed a kiss over Lex's heart. Then, crawling up his body, Clark kissed him and whispered, "Good." He bit Lex's neck, then rested his head on Lex's shoulder.

They stayed like that a few more minutes, until Clark's stomach growled loudly.

"Hungry?" Lex asked.

"I guess. And really tired, too. But mostly hungry."

"I'll get us something to eat." Lex kissed the top of Clark's hair, then slid out of bed.

"Ok." Clark's eyes fell shut and he rolled into the spot Lex had vacated, face pressed into the covers.

Lex left and went into the kitchen. The milk was mopped up quickly, carton thrown away. He threw out the over-steeped tea and started a new pot. While it was warming, Lex dug through his cupboards until he found honey; he added the honey and a bag of cookies to the tray, then set about pouring the sugar from the bag into the small sugar bowl.

The water boiled while Lex was slicing some apples. He poured the water into the teapot, added the infuser, and went back to the apples. After those were done, he grabbed a couple cups, placed everything on the tray, and turned to go into the bedroom.

Clark had wandered into the living room and was undoing the ties on the boxes on the table.

"Would you like some tea?" Lex asked, walking to the living room.

"Sure. Are these my clothes?" Clark lifted the top of the first box.

He nodded. "Yes. I ordered a lot; hope you don't mind. I would still like to take you out one day, get you a decent suit and such, but I thought this was a start. We can take them home, if you like, or leave them here."

Clark pulled out a blue flannel robe and matching pajamas. Quickly, he took off the robe he was wearing and threw it away, put on the pajamas, and tugged the new robe on. Then he kicked the old robe, scowling at it.

Lex smiled, amused. "But tell me how you really feel about the robe, Clark."

Startled, Clark looked up. "Oh." He glanced at the article of clothing he'd just attacked, and shrugged. "I keep thinking that someone else must have worn it. And I don't like that."

"Ah. Well, no one else has. I throw away anything anyone else has worn." He tilted his head, looking at Clark through narrowed eyes. "But that's not the point, is it?"

"No." Clark pulled a box out of the bag; inside was a sweater. "Black?"

"There are more colors than blue and red; I thought I would introduce you to them." He took the tray into the living room, setting it on the coffee table.

When he turned back to Clark, he found that Clark had his eyes closed and was rubbing the sweater on his cheek.

Lex raised an eyebrow. "Clark?"

"Mmmmhmmm?"

"Should I leave the two of you alone?"

"Shut up; it feels nice."

"If I had known, I would have bought you two; one to wear, and one to sleep with." He sat down, still watching Clark.

Putting the sweater down carefully on the table, Clark stuck his tongue out at Lex. He turned his attention to the rest of the boxes, unearthing two pairs of slacks--one black and one tan--four shirts--two button-ups in blue and green, and two long sleeved tee shirts--some underwear, socks, a belt, and one pair of sneakers and a two pairs of dress shoes.

"You know my shoe size?"

Cheeks warm, Lex nodded. "I looked."

Clark narrowed his eyes. "Really? When?"

"Today, when you were asleep. Your shoes are pretty much shot, and I knew you would need something to go home in, so I ordered a new pair. I got the dress shoes in case you wanted to go out."

"Then why are you blushing?" Clark set the shoes down and walked into the living room.

"I'm not." Lex quickly poured some tea. "Here."

Clark took it, grinning. "Let me see your wallet."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

Rolling his eyes, Clark set the tea down and dashed to the bedroom. A moment later he returned, flushed and out of breath, brandishing Lex's wallet. "Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man," he teased.

Concerned, Lex nodded. "You move fast, I know. Eat something; you look exhausted."

"I am," Clark admitted, sitting back down. "Apparently running to Arizona and back takes a lot out of even me." He picked up a cookie and stuffed it in his mouth before opening Lex's wallet.

It took Clark only a few seconds to find the carefully composed list Lex had tucked inside.

"Ah, look at this. You're my own personal stalker," he said proudly, waving the list around. Unfolding it with a flourish, Clark leaned back. "Wow, you've been busy. Inseam, outer leg ... neck, arm. How did you get all these?"

Lex shrugged and sipped his tea.

"Lex?"

"I may have measured a few things while you were asleep one time."

Clark looked at him, wide eyed. "I find that very disturbing. It's right up there with discovering you have a collection of Strawberry Shortcake dolls in your closet at home."

Lex choked on his tea. "How the hell do you know about that?" he demanded, coughing violently.

"I found it. Why?"

"Don't tell anyone."

Clark suddenly looked shamefaced, although Lex could see his eyes twinkling. His lower lip extended in a perfect pout, he whispered, "I... I may have accidentally told Chloe."

"You have?"

"I say 'may have,'" Clark reminded him, looking up. "You'll just have to worry about it for a bit, now, won't you?"

Lex thought about saying something, but wasn't sure if Clark was really ready to start joking about this. Yes, Clark had started it, but maybe it was what he needed right now. To pretend he had some hold over Lex, even as silly as this was.

So, instead of saying anything, Lex sighed dramatically and leaned against the couch. "I'll be ruined."

"You'll get over it. I think it's cute."

"You played with Barbies."

"And everyone knows it," Clark pointed out. "I took one to show and tell once in fifth grade." Then, thoughtfully, he added, "I'm surprised more people don't think I'm gay. This isn't all your writing." He pointed to some of items on the list.

Lex nodded. "Mabel actually started the list. I mentioned that I wanted to buy you clothes once, and since she washes the clothes you leave over at the mansion, she started writing down what sizes you wore. I still want to take you to an actual tailor sometime, but this is a good start."

Clark shook his head, laughing slightly. "You are so weird." He folded the note neatly and placed it back in Lex's wallet. Then he picked up a few more cookies and lay so his head was resting on Lex's lap.

"All I want to do is dress you up, Clark. You're beautiful, and I just want to show you off."

"Did you use a measuring tape?"

Lex sighed and brushed his hand through Clark's hair. "Yes. I keep one in my nightstand drawer."

"Really weird," Clark said through a mouthful of cookies.

He hesitated a moment, fingers stroking along Clark's forehead.

"What?" Clark craned his neck so he could look into Lex's eyes, suddenly worried.

"I'm fine. I just ... I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner."

A shadow passed over Clark's face. He shrugged. "Dunno. Where?"

"Nothing too fancy, but somewhere nice. We don't have to."

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course." Then, taking a deep breath, Lex said, "Chloe wants to see you before she heads back to Smallville."

A frown creased Clark's forehead. "Why is she here?"

Lex blinked. "The journalism convention was today, remember?"

"Ah, man! I can't believe I forgot! Well, I can, but..." Clark trailed off, rolling so his face was in Lex's stomach. "Is she mad?" he asked, voice muffled.

"No, just very worried. She's gone through a lot this week, and to have you disappear... well, she's been frantic. I got a call from her about every hour until you showed up. We talked while you were sleeping."

Clark sighed and rolled back onto his back. Rubbing his face, he said, "I should see her, huh?"

Lex kept his face neutral. "It's up to you, Clark. I'm not going to force you to do anything."

He sighed again. "I... I don't want her to worry. I guess I'll see her."

A wave of relief washed through Lex. If Clark was willing to see Chloe, he was probably on the mend. The worst of his fears and doubts were past, and he was beginning to be able to face it.

At least, Lex hoped that's what it meant. He wasn't a psychologist.

"Can we watch a movie?" Clark asked suddenly.

"Of course. What do you want to see?"

A mischievous smile spread across Clark's face. "How about ‘Phantom Menace’?"

Lex groaned and pushed Clark off him. "I never should have told you that."

"Do you call him Maulie in your fantasies?" Clark, now on the floor, looked up at Lex, wide eyed and grinning.

"I hate you," Lex said, stepping over Clark to get to the movies.

Suddenly, the world lurched around him and Lex found himself on the floor, pinned under Clark.

"That was not fair," he gasped, breath knocked out of him.

Clark's eyes were dark, smile full of promise. "Didn't you know that I don't play fair?" he asked, descending on Lex.

Lex never got the chance to answer. Somehow, he didn't mind.

________________________________________

Whitney had woken up from an uneasy sleep at one-thirty in the afternoon. After getting something to eat, he'd tried his best to go back to sleep, but his mind wouldn't let him relax. Clark had been found, but Whitney still felt horribly guilty for what he'd done. To top it off, it had been raining steadily all day and he was plagued with the irrational fear his father would be washed out of his grave.

After tossing and turning for about an hour, Whitney finally rose and went to the cemetery. He'd stayed until he was soaked to the bone, then went home and parked himself in front of the television where he'd been ever since.

There was a knock at the front door. Knowing his mother was upstairs in her room, and the aunts were asleep or at the store--Whitney hadn't been paying attention when they told him their plans--Whitney hauled himself off the couch and went to answer it.

"Mrs. Kent," Whitney said awkwardly when he saw who it was. He glanced back into the house, then stepped outside, closing the door. "Uh... can I help you with something?"

Martha looked nervous as she clutched a book to her chest. Smiling slightly, she said, "No, thank you, Whitney. Well, yes, but not exactly. I was just coming by to make sure you knew Clark had been found."

He flushed. "Uh, yeah. Lana called me a couple hours ago. I was thinking about going to see him later."

"He's not home," she told him. "He's staying in Metropolis for the night with Lex Luthor."

"Ah." Whitney nodded and shifted his weight uneasily. "So, uh... can I help you with something?"

Martha tilted her head. "Do you know why I'm here?"

Heaving a sigh, Whitney went to the porch and sat down on the railing. "Yeah. I guess I do." Eyes on his feet, he said, "I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't mean... I don't know what I meant, actually. Last night I... I was really upset, and I went to the one person I felt understood me." He risked a peek at Martha, saying quietly, "I didn't mean to scare him."

"Were you going to hurt my son?" she asked.

"No!" Whitney exclaimed. "God, no. I would never... well," he corrected, face hot. "I wouldn't hurt him. I swear." He looked up at her.

She was frowning, looking uncertain. "Why did you kiss him?"

Whitney covered his face. "Oh God," he moaned.

"I don't mean to embarrass you, but Clark was frightened by what happened, and I need to understand why. Did you do anything besides kiss him?"

"No, I swear I didn't," he said, taking his hands from his face. "And I don't know why I did it. I... I..." Whitney sighed. "I don't know anything anymore."

Martha walked over to him and put her arms around him. "It's ok, Whitney. It's all right to be confused right now; you're going through a lot, and I understand that. I'm sorry I said what I did, but I had to know. He's my son."

"I care about him, Mrs. Kent," Whitney said quietly. "I mean, as a friend. And I wouldn't try to force him to do anything. When I realized I was kissing him and that he didn't like it, I stopped. And left. Well, ran away, but... I'd never thought about doing that, and it kind of scared me."

"I understand." She squeezed him tightly for a moment, then pulled away. "I brought this for you. I don't know if it will be of any help, but... it might."

Cheeks burning, Whitney took the book, _Is It A Choice: Answer to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People._

"Uh, I don't know if it will help you sort anything out, but it might help."

"Mrs. Kent ..."

"Whitney, you didn't just kiss Clark because your father died," she said gently. "At least, I don't think so. It's possible that you did, but I think it's just as possible that there might have been something more to it. And I think you should look into it. When you're ready."

Sighing, Whitney said, "Can I keep this?"

She smiled. "Of course." With a final pat to his arm, Martha turned and left.

His cheeks were still burning, and he was terrifically embarrassed, but she had a point. So, instead of following on his instinct and hurtling the book into the rain soaked streets after her, Whitney simply sat down on the porch swing and began reading.

________________________________________

Chloe watched as Lex turned into the parking lot, unsure whether she should get up to meet him or stay where she was. She was currently standing under the awning of the convention center so she was out of the rain. Her car was in the middle of the parking lot, dead.

Lex was alone in the car, his face neutral and unreadable. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not.

He pulled up next to the curb and got out of his car. When he reached her, Lex raised an eyebrow and said, "Please tell me you didn't fry your car on purpose."

She flushed. "No, I didn't. I thought I had hooked the jumper cables right, I swear. Besides, this is my car. I wouldn't hurt it just so I could get a ride from you."

"You are devious. And you have spent the entire day surrounded by journalists," Lex said. "I've learned that breed isn't always entirely honest."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

He smiled. "You're very welcome. Now, as I see it, you have three options."

"Which are?"

"One, I take you to the penthouse so you can talk to Clark while you wait for your father to come pick you up. Two, I have the limo take you home. Or, three, you stay the night with us."

Chloe licked her bottom lip, considering. "Do you think Clark would mind?"

He shrugged. "I don't know; I didn't ask him, I thought I'd wait until the two of you had talked. I only brought it up now so you can hold off on calling your father and telling him what happened to the car."

"I'll wait," Chloe said firmly. If there was the possibility of staying in town, she was taking it, no question.

"Very well. A tow truck should be here in a few more minutes; they'll take the car to my mechanic."

"Ok, I..."

"Chloe!"

Her stomach tightened pleasantly, and Chloe turned. "Hey, Sydney."

Sydney had just exited the doors of the convention center, her camera bag thrown casually on her shoulder, long blond braid swinging as she walked. There were three pens sticking out of one of the pockets of her photographer's vest, a reporter's pad in another, and a canister of film clearly outlined in the pocket of her baggy pants.

When she got to Chloe, she touched her arm gently, blue eyes sparkling with delight. "I'm so glad you're still here. I was afraid I missed you." She glanced at Lex and smiled, her free hand almost automatically moving for her camera bag.

Chloe's heart was fluttering in her throat, but she managed to shake her head. "I never made it out. My car's dead."

"Oh, man. That sucks. What happened?" Her attention was now solely focused on Chloe, Lex all but forgotten.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "I left my lights on this morning, and when I tried to jump it, I hooked the cables up wrong."

"That's not good. Will it be ok?"

"I think so. Lex is hooking me up. You are paying, right Lex?" she asked sweetly.

He glowered at her. "Of course. Hi, I'm Lex Luthor," he said to Sydney, who was now gazing at him.

"I know. Sydney Chase. Can I get a picture?"

Lex raised his eyebrow. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Chase. And no. I don't do pictures."

"You should. The newspapers keep printing that same photo of you every time a story is run. It's a nice shot, but it really doesn't do you justice." Sydney turned back to Chloe. "Look, I've got to go. My parents are waiting for me." She waved vaguely at the parking lot. When Chloe turned, she could see a couple sitting in a nearby car. "Look, I'm going to hear from you again, right?"

"I don't know. I have no way of getting in touch with you," Chloe answered, light headed.

Sydney smirked and pulled a Sharpie from her pocket. Taking Chloe's arm, she wrote her phone number and e-mail address. "There," she said, adding a heart and a pair of lips. "Now you have no excuse." She grinned and recapped the pen. "I have pictures of today that I want to give you. Call me soon, ok?"

"Yeah. I will."

Sydney looked delighted. Pecking Chloe on the cheek, she breathed, "Bye," then ran off.

Both Chloe and Lex turned to watch her go.

"Wow," Lex said, tilting his head slightly. "Very nice."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed dreamily. Then, coming to herself, she added, "Um, she's probably straight."

Lex shot her an ironic look. "Trust me, Chloe, she's about as straight as I am. And she wants you. Have fun playing with her."

Chloe whacked him on the arm. "Lex, just because you're a sex crazed maniac, doesn't mean all of us are."

He poked her in the side. "Please. I know you, Chloe. That argument won't work with me." Then, leaning against a pole under the awning, he asked, "Was the convention fun?"

"Oh, yeah. It was great. And I have an interview with the Daily Planet."

"Congratulations. Your descent begins."

"Not all journalists are bad, Lex. I..."

"Why, Lex. Long time no see. Although I must say that this is the last place I ever expected to find you," an oily voice said from behind them.

Lex stiffened and turned. "Nixon," he said evenly. "What are you doing here?"

"This is a journalism conventions; I'm a journalist. Do the math."

Chloe looked between the two men, wondering how they knew each other. Then it hit her. Nixon must be the connection Lex had to the "Inquisitor" he'd told he about months ago. She wondered how they had met; she knew Nixon had been writing favorable articles about Lex for months now. She just didn't know why.

Nixon looked like the scum of the earth: oily, self-satisfied, weak, and cowardly. He was the type of man who got into journalism because he liked ruining people's lives, and stayed at a low class tabloid like the Inquisitor because he was convinced that it would make him rich. It didn't matter who he stepped on, or what lies he told while he was doing it; all that mattered in the end was the money. Chloe understood why Lex would hate that type of journalist, and wondered how Lex had gotten involved with Nixon in the first place.

"Playing with the junior set, Lex? Not that I don't understand why," Nixon said, giving her a once over.

Abruptly, Chloe felt filthy. She shuddered and took a step back.

Lex stepped in front of her, blocking her from Nixon's view. "What do you want, Nixon?" he asked, voice hard.

"You've been rather hard to get a hold of lately, Lex. Pity; after all those articles I wrote for you, and you can't even return a simple phone call."

"I'm a busy man. I don't have time to wallow in the mud."

Nixon smirked. "I have information that you'd be interested in, Lex. About your friends, the Kents, and their boy, Clark. I've been finding a lot of interesting information about your little town, in fact."

Lex stepped into Nixon, body tense. "I told you to drop the investigation months ago," he said softly.

"I know. And I would have dropped it had the computer generated test of what happened at the crash not come back before I could cancel it. I think you would be interested in my findings."

"Fine." Lex was very still, face completely blank. "Come to the mansion on Tuesday."

"What time?"

"Whenever is good for you. Just call Damien and tell him when you're coming by. Is that good?"

Nixon smiled; it wasn't a pleasant smile. "Thank you, Lex. I'll see you Tuesday." Mock bowing, Nixon swaggered away.

"Get in the car," Lex said through gritted teeth.

"Lex ..."

"Do it. Now. Just get the fuck in."

Mouth clamped shut, Chloe obeyed. Lex got in the car a moment later, and they quickly drove away.

When they hit the street, Lex pulled his cell phone from his pocket and hit a button. "Damien?" he said after a moment. "Clear Tuesday; Nixon is going to call and he gets first priority." He fell silent a moment, then shook his head briskly. "At this point I don't care. He's threatening Clark so I will rearrange my schedule to suit his. Damien... Just do it." Lex hung up, cursing under his breath.

"What's going on?" Chloe asked quietly.

"It's none of your business."

"You're investigating my best friend, Lex. I think it's my business." Chloe had no idea why her voice was so even and firm; her heart was pounding so heard she could practically feel the pulse in her ears, and her palms were damp with sweat.

Lex glanced at her, eyes blank and unreadable. "I'm not investigating him," he said after a moment.

"Then..."

"Nixon tried to blackmail me after Tina Greer robbed the bank; I was able to convince him that it would be better for him to work for me."

Chloe frowned. "Did you threaten him?"

"You could call it that. Or you could call it protecting my interests."

"Uh-huh. And Clark?"

Lex sighed slightly, checking his blind spot before changing lanes. "I'm sure you noticed the articles Nixon wrote about me. That was part of what I got him to do for me. I figured that if I could get a good reputation with the common man, eventually people would start dissociating me from my father."

"Lex, I get all this. What about Clark?"

He shook his head, jaw clenching. "I also asked Nixon to look into what happened the day of the accident. But I told him to drop it about a month later."

Chloe looked at him. "Why?"

"I didn't need to know anymore. I'd accepted what happened--the fact that I survived--was fate or... or something. I can't really explain it."

"Try."

He sighed again, shaking his head. "I didn't understand how I survived. But, more than that, I didn't understand why. And I needed to know. Clark seemed to be lying about what happened, and I couldn't figure out what he was lying about. I needed to know, Chloe."

There was pain in his voice, whether he realized it or not. It was deep, almost unconscious, and it made Chloe's heart ache.

She reached out and touched his arm gently. Lex stiffened slightly, but it passed quickly.

"Why did you call it off?" she asked.

"I didn't need to know anymore. At the time I couldn't explain it; I just knew the need went away. Now I think... I think it's because once I had Clark, my life made sense. I survived because he saved me, and he saved me because he's Clark. That was all I needed." Lex pulled in front of a building and stopped the car. "Unfortunately, Nixon apparently didn't stop the investigation."

Chloe frowned, a thought occurring to her. "What do you think he's found?"

Lex shrugged, face a perfect picture of puzzlement. "I don't know."

She cocked her head, trying to decide if he was lying or not. Nixon must have found out something. And it was something that he seemed to think was important and exciting, which meant it was fantastic enough that he thought he could profit from it. And while Lex might not know exactly what Nixon had found, he obviously thought it was important enough to treat as a priority.

And, for some reason, that made Chloe think that Lex knew what Nixon had found, or at least suspected it. Otherwise he wouldn't have been quite so upset.

"You're getting to be a better liar, Lex," she finally said. "I almost believed you that time."

Lex's face went blank. "I don't know what you're talking about. Come on." He got out of the car and handed the keys to a valet. Then he went to her side and helped her out, much to her surprise.

Chloe smiled wryly. "You're such a gentleman."

He gave her a strange look, as if he didn't understand what she was talking about. Which, in retrospect, he probably didn't; for all his faults, Lex had been bred to be a gentleman. But, surrounded by teenage boys with no sense of anything all the time, Chloe forgot that some people had manners.

Taking her arm, Lex said, "Do me a favor."

"Let me hear it first."

"Don't mention this to Clark. I'll talk to him about it later; he needs to hear this from me."

She licked her lips as they stepped into the elevator. "But you will tell him."

Lex nodded. He looked tired, Chloe noticed. He was almost slouching, and there were lines etched around his eyes. "I will, but it's not something he needs right now."

"I understand. I won't say anything."

A few minutes later, Lex let them into the penthouse. As he closed the door, he stiffened slightly, eyes alert.

"What's wrong?" Chloe asked, looking around. She didn't see anything.

"Dammit!" Lex swore. "Clark!" He stormed out of the room and through the hall.

Chloe followed, wondering what was going on.

"Clark, what are you doing in here?" Lex asked after he jogged through the penthouse to the bathroom, Chloe following.

The shower was running, Clark's face was upright underneath the stream of water, hands buried in his hair. His naked body was almost completely obscured by the steam that was fogging up the glass doors.

Almost but not quite, and somehow Chloe couldn't bring herself to turn away.

Lex rapped his knuckles on the door. "Angel? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Clark replied.

"Then why are you in here? You already took a bath."

"I'm fine, Lex." Chloe thought he sounded slightly exasperated. "I had an accident and my hair's all sticky."

Lex frowned. "Come again?"

Clark sighed, rubbing water from his face. "I was hungry and decided I wanted to have pancakes. I had just put the first few cakes on the griddle when I turned to the cupboard to get the syrup. But, when I was getting it, a towel I'd left too close to the pilot caught on fire. When I turned to get that, the syrup fell and landed on my head." Then, in a mournful tone, he added, "I got one of my new shirts sticky. The blue one; I liked that shirt."

Shaking with laughter, Lex said, "I'll get you another one. Chloe's here."

He glanced out the door and yelped. "Chloe!" She could see him holding a washcloth over his lower half.

She blushed and finally turned. "Hey, Clark. I think I'll go wait in the living room."

"Yes, I think you should do that," Lex said, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away. "Are you crazy?"

"Yes, I am," she shot back. Then, in a softer tone, she added, "Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Lex sighed and shook his head. "It's fine. Go into the living room; we'll be out in a few minutes."

"Ok." She turned and went back to the front room, stomach churning. Going to the couch, she sat down and pulled her legs into her. "I hope this goes well," she whispered softly. Then, turning on the television, she settled back to wait.

________________________________________

"You're really all right?" Lex asked as Clark pulled his pants on.

"Yes, I'm fine. I swear I didn't have an attack of psychologically driven dirtiness; the stupid syrup attacked me while my back was turned." He put on his shirt, then pulled his sweater on over it.

Lex rose from the bed. "Good." He kissed Clark's cheek, running his hand over the damp head. "Although I wouldn't have minded cleaning the syrup off you."

Clark shuddered, eyes falling shut. "Yeah," he said, feeling breathless as he pulled Lex close. "That would have been fun."

"But, alas, not to be." He kissed Clark's cheek. "Chloe's waiting."

"Can't she wait longer?" Clark asked, pressing his hips into Lex.

"Angel, Chloe wouldn't wait. If she heard us having sex in here, I think she'd walk in and join us."

Arousal hit him sharply and swiftly. Clark pulled away from Lex, covering his face as he tried to get control over his body. "Don't say things like that." He took a few deep breaths. "I didn't even know I had that kink," he said after a moment.

Lex joined him on the bed. "Which one? The threesome kink, or the Chloe kink?"

"Either. Both." Clark lifted his head. "I've always kinda just thought in terms of me and another person, not me and two."

Lazily, Lex traced Clark's collarbone through his shirt, eyes heavy lidded. "What about more?"

Clark swallowed hard. "You've got to stop, or I'll never be able to go out there and face her. I'm already embarrassed enough as it is; adding all this sexual stuff on top of it makes everything weird."

"Don't be embarrassed," Lex told him seriously. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I can't help it. It's too soon."

"I know." Lex leaned over and kissed him. "Do you want me to send her away?"

Clark pulled Lex onto his lap and laid his head on his shoulder. "No," he said softly, eyes falling shut when Lex began stroking his hair.

They stayed like that a few more minutes, then Lex said, "Why don't we go into the other room? If you're still hungry, I can order something and have it brought up. Do you still want pancakes?"

"No. Now I want Chinese." Giving Lex once last kiss, Clark let him go.

"Then Chinese it is." Lex took his hand and they went into the main room.

Chloe rose when they walked in, her eyes fastened on Clark. Neither said anything for a moment.

Clearing her throat, Chloe broke the silence. "Clark, I... I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Chloe," he said, his eyes trained on her shoulder.

She stepped closer to him. "No, I handled everything wrong. I..."

"I don't think you did. I think... I think if you hadn't bombarded me with all the hotlines and stuff, I would have kept it all in for a lot longer. And it would have been worse when it finally came out."

"But you ran away! If I had handled it in a better way, maybe..."

Taking a deep breath, Clark shook his head and said, "I didn't run away because of you. Something happened that night that freaked me out. And I can't tell you what, because it's private." He risked a look at her face.

Chloe frowned, but nodded. "Fair enough. But, are you sure? Because I feel really bad."

"Chloe, you tried to help me. And you tried to be discreet about it, too; I mean, it's not like you told my teachers, or my parents, or all my friends. You just left information out for me to find. I was trying to hide, but you made that impossible. And I think I needed that. Thanks."

"You're welcome." Tentatively, she stepped towards Clark.

Reading her intention, Clark took her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I'm glad you're ok," she whispered, stroking his hair.

"Yeah. Me too." When they parted, Clark saw something on her arm and frowned. "What's this?" he asked, holding her arm to read what was written. "Who's Sydney?"

"Chloe's new girlfriend," Lex answered. "Chloe, do you want Chinese, or would you rather I order you something else?"

"Chinese is fine, thanks."

Lex picked up the phone and began ordering.

Clark nudged Chloe gently with his foot. "Chloe?" he prompted.

"Oh, right." Chloe sat down, keeping a good distance between them. "Sydney's this girl that I met at the convention today. She's really beautiful, and confident, and smart. She wants to be a freelance photographer. Anyway, she asked to keep in touch; with any luck, we'll both wind up at the Daily Planet this summer."

"You got the interview?" Clark asked.

She grinned. "Yes, I did. Next week."

"Congratulations. I know they'll take you." He touched her arm gently, hesitatingly.

Chloe bit her lip. "Clark?" Her tone had shifted completely, and he knew whatever she said next, it wasn't going to be about the internship.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be all right, right?"

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Yeah. I am."

And then she was on him, hugging him tightly. Clark could feel her trembling in his arms and wondered if she was crying.

"Chloe..." he started, but she shook her head.

"I've been worried," she said in a broken voice. "Ever since you started withdrawing, and then after Lex told me, and then last night and all day today. I just... Just let me get this out, ok? Please?"

Clark wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. Feeling his own traitorous tears threatened again, he sniffed and whispered, "Yeah, Chloe. Of course."

________________________________________

The next morning, Clark woke to find himself sandwiched on the floor between Lex and Chloe. He sighed in contentment, his head resting on Lex's chest, Chloe's hand on his arm. It hadn't been a pleasant night for him, and he was glad he'd managed to talk Lex and Chloe into sleeping in the living room. The penthouse had plenty of beds for the three of them to sleep in, but they would have been separated. And Clark didn't want that; he knew himself too well to pretend that he wouldn't have nightmares. He'd wanted the security of having both his best friend and boyfriend by him.

At first, he had been subtle, or, at least, he thought he had been. After dinner, Clark had suggested they break out the alcohol and watch a movie. Lex had given him a penetrating look before finding a bottle of wine. On Clark's suggestion, they'd stripped the master bed of the comforter and pillows. The more they drank, the more blankets Clark had brought into the living room until finally Chloe had touched him gently and said, "Why don't we all just sleep out here tonight?" with a glance at Lex.

Lex had nodded, kissed Clark and said, "I think that sounds like a good idea."

Clark had been right about the nightmares. About every hour, he'd been jolted out of sleep, haunted by nightmares. Each time, either Chloe or Lex--half asleep--had reached out to him and pet him until Clark had calmed enough to drift off.

It had not been the best night.

Clark opened his eyes and yawned. Careful not to wake Lex or Chloe, Clark dressed quietly and washed up. Then, grabbing his jacket, he walked into the living room.

Clark crouched over the blankets and kissed Lex gently.

Stirring, Lex opened his eyes. "Clark?" He started to sit up, but Clark pushed him back down.

"I have to go do something. I'll be back later, ok?"

"Where are you going?" Lex slid his hand into Clark's, interlacing their fingers.

Clark sighed softly. "I need to go see Pamela."

"Why?" Lex asked, puzzled.

"I don't think I made the best impression on her yesterday; I want to go make it up. And I want to do it alone."

Lex nodded. "Ok. Don't be long."

His face broke out into a smile. "I won't. Love you." Clark kissed him, then rose.

"Yeah," Lex yawned. "Me too." He rolled onto his stomach and fell back to sleep.

Clark waved off the doorman's offer to call a cab. Instead, he walked the first few blocks, then ran the rest of the way.

Pamela was lying in bed, eyes closed when Clark got to the room. He hesitated in the doorway, unsure if he should go in or not. There was no way he was going to wake her, of course; what he wanted to say could wait, and she looked exhausted. But Clark didn't know if he should wander around a bit until she woke up, or stay in the room.

After a moment, he stepped inside and sat in the seat next to the bed. He didn't say anything, merely sat there studying her.

Even sick, she was beautiful. Clark couldn't really explain what drew him to her so strongly, but he knew that, next to his own mother, Pamela was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Tentatively, he touched her hair, very lightly so as not to disturb her. He knew that Pamela wasn't Lex's mother, but Clark could still see Lex in her. The arch of their eyebrows was the same, he decided, and the way they moved. When Clark had first seen Pamela, her movements had seemed so familiar, and now he was convinced it was because he'd seen it in Lex. Both so elegant and controlled. Precise.

And both had the same frightening vulnerability in their eyes. Something that spoke of how much they'd been hurt in their lives, and how much they needed to be held. Sheltered. Loved.

Clark wanted to do that. He wanted to take care of them. Even though, right now, he desperately needed Lex to take care of him, hold him, and tell him everything was going to be all right, Clark was driven to do the same for Lex, and now Pamela.

Even though Clark knew that last thing Pamela thought she needed was a sixteen-year-old kid taking care of her.

A smile touched Clark's lips, and he sat back, gazing at her.

No, she didn't think she needed him. And, maybe she didn't. Pamela had come back to make her peace with Lex and die, not to be taken care of. But Clark still needed her to know that when she was gone, he would watch out for her because he would take care of Lex forever.

Pamela needed to hear it, and Clark needed to say it.

She groaned suddenly, stirring.

"Do you need anything?" Clark asked, heart pounding.

Blinking, Pamela opened her eyes. "Clark?"

He nodded and reached for her tray to pour her a glass of water. "Here. Drink."

She took the water and sipped it. "What are you doing here? Where's Lex?"

"Lex is back at the penthouse, sleeping. I wanted to talk to you, so I left early." When her eyes became suspicious, Clark added, "I told him where I was going; I'm not running away."

"I'm sorry, Clark," Pamela said, softening slightly. "I don't mean to be overly suspicious, but..."

"You think I'm too young for Lex."

Pamela nodded. "I do. I understand his attraction to you, but you're sixteen, Clark. And emotionally unstable. Lex needs... Lex needs some form of stability in his life; he had a very hard childhood and..."

"I know," Clark interrupted. "I know about his childhood, Lex has told me. And I know about his wilder years. Not everything, but enough to know he needs someone who can take care of him. Who will give him the love he needs and, above all, deserves. I can do that."

"Clark..."

"No, I can. I... Right now, I'm going through a rough patch. Lex's dad..." Clark swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "Lex's dad tried to hurt me. No, he... he tried to do stuff to me." Tears springing unbidden to his eyes, Clark opened them and looked at Pamela.

Pamela inhaled sharply. "Oh, Clark. I'm... I'm sorry."

Clark shrugged and wiped his eyes quickly. "It's ok."

"No. It's not ok. Does Lex know?"  
He nodded. "I... I'm adopted, and Lionel managed to get me taken away temporarily from my parents. He got custody of me, and beat Lex so he could get to me. Lex walked in before... before anything too bad happened, but... There are issues. And it's all been coming to a head. On Friday I went to two funerals, and then a friend I didn't know was gay came into my room and kissed me. I felt... guilty, because I've been half blaming myself for what happened with Lionel anyway. If I wasn't attractive, he wouldn't have thought to do that, you know? And now, Whitney... I didn't mean to run, I just started going and didn't stop. But I've never done it before, and I swear I won't do it again. I just... I needed to get my head cleared."

Clark bit his bottom lip and looked into Pamela's eyes. "I love Lex. With all my heart. And no matter what happens between the two of us, I will always have this need to protect and shelter him. You've only seen one side; yes, he protects me. He's the one I got to when I'm hurt or sad or whatever. But I'm always there for Lex. And I promise you I always will be."

"I... I want to know that Lex will be taken care of," Pamela said softly. "His father sent me away in order to make Lex 'his' son, and I don't want that to happen. Lex is so vulnerable. He's been hurt so much, and I'm afraid if he's hurt more, he'll close himself off completely. And then he will become his father's son."

"I'm not going to let that happen. I'm going to help Lex become the person he was meant to be, one that you can be really proud of," Clark said. "Lionel can hit and threaten all he wants. I love Lex, and that's stronger than anything he's got."

The tension drained out of Pamela and she lay back against the pillows, her hand still in Clark's. "Take good care of him, Clark," Pamela told him seriously. "I'm leaving him in your care."

"I will," Clark swore. "Always."

________________________________________

Clark watched as his mother drove away from the high school, heading back home. He really wanted to be with her; not that he was trying to hide from school or anything, he just wasn't quite ready to face the world yet.

But, unless he wanted to tell his parents what had happened, he had to go. And telling them would only buy another day, at most. Jonathan and Martha believed that it helped to go about your normal routine in hard times, which was why when anything bad happened, Clark always still went to school. Normally he agreed; today, though, all Clark wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep.

Sighing, Clark ran his hand through his hair and trudged into the school. He could feel the weight of the eyes on him as he walked through the halls. Everyone knew he had run away. The entire town had been asked to keep an eye out for him before he'd shown up in Metropolis. As Martha had driven him to town, she had warned him that he might be pulled into the counselor's office.

"We didn't know where you were," she'd explained. "But we thought you'd be somewhere nearby; either in town or on your way to Metropolis. It never seriously occurred to us that you might run out of the state."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Clark whispered, eyes glued to his hand.

"I know, honey; I'm not trying to chastise you. I just want you to understand. Your running away is going to attract attention. I just want you to be prepared."

Clark made it to the "Torch" office without anyone bothering him. He was glad. Even though he'd made a lot of friends--well, met a lot of people, at least--during the election, he didn't feel close enough to anyone but Chloe, Pete, and Lana to talk to right now.

He pushed the door open and went inside. "Hey, guys."

Chloe turned away from Pete. "Hey." She went right to him and gave him a big hug. "I didn't know if you were coming today."

"My parents made me. They didn't see any reason for me not to." He squeezed her a moment, then let her go. "Hey, Pete."

"Hey. So, uh... How are you?"

"Fine. Really."

"You look tired," he remarked, sitting on the desk.

Wearily, Clark nodded and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, well. I didn't sleep so good at first. It took a long time to get to sleep, then I kept having nightmares."

Pete frowned. "Oh. About..."

"Death, mostly," Clark said. He had decided it would be easiest if everyone thought he had run away because he was upset about the funerals. Maybe later, after he talked to Whitney, he would tell Pete the partial truth. But not now; it wouldn't be fair.

"Why didn't you call me?" Chloe asked.

"Lex stayed the night; he was there." He glanced at Pete. "Uh, there's something I should tell you, Pete. Lex is sort of my boyfriend."

Pete sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"I figured it out yesterday. Why didn't you... Wait, no. I know why you didn't tell me. But we are going to have to have a long talk."

"Are you ok with it?"

"It's Lex Luthor, Clark; ok isn't exactly the word I would use. But, you're my best friend and I'm here to support you. Maybe I'll give him a chance."

Clark smiled. "Thanks, Pete."

"I said 'maybe.' And maybe I'll hate the scumbag for the rest of my life, but you're my best friend. And that won't change."

This time, Clark grinned and held his hand out. "No. It won't."

Pete shook it, smiling.

"So," Chloe asked after a moment. "How did your parents act?"

Clark let go of Pete's hand and sat on the desk. "They were ok, I guess. Freaked out, angry, hurt. But they... they understood, sort of. I'm on probation; not quite grounded, but not totally free. I have to call my parents before I go anywhere now, which gave Lex the excuse to give me a cell phone." He pulled it out of his pocket. "I think he's been wanting to give this to me for a while."

"Trying to put a collar on you, Clark, and keep you under his supervision at all times. Sign number one that a relationship isn't healthy is when one has to know where there other is constantly."

At the mention of the word "collar," Clark blushed. He considered telling Pete that he wasn't the one who wore the collar in the relationship, but decided it was a bad move for two reasons. One, Pete was barely ok that Clark was into guys as it was, and really didn't need to hear details about his sex life. Two, Chloe was in the room. She really didn't need to know. Besides, her imagination probably conjured up all the details about his sex life it needed without his help.

Clark opened his mouth to say something when the bell rang. "I think we'd better go to class."

Pete sighed and picked up his backpack. "I am so not ready for English; I didn't understand one poem we were assigned."

"Clark and I can explain them to you; we understood them fine, didn't we Clark?" Chloe asked, slipping her arm through Clark's.

"Uh, yeah. We studied them on the way home from Metropolis yesterday. It's all really easy, as long as you don't look at them literally."

"See, that's my problem. I take things literally; I don't get symbolism." Pete sighed dramatically and moped all the way to class.

"Clark," Ms. Potts, the English teacher, greeted him when they stepped into class. "I need to talk to you a moment."

Clark frowned, pulling away from Chloe. "Yes?" he asked, walking to her.

"The counselor wanted to see you; you need to report to his office. Chloe will give you tonight's assignment if you're not back by the end of class, all right?"

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks." Turning, he left class.

The halls were empty as Clark walked through them, but as he passed the open doors of various classrooms, he felt as if everyone was watching him. Teachers actually stopped lecturing when he passed the door, allowing the students inside to glance out. Clark had never been so grateful to get somewhere in his life as he was when he made it to the office.

"May I help you?" the secretary asked. Then she blinked and said, "Oh, Mr. Kent, of course. Take a seat outside Mr. Font's office. He's with a student right now, and I believe there is one more before you, but he said he wants you to wait in the office, rather than in class."

"Thanks." Clark smiled half-heartedly and walked down the hall to the counselor's office.

Whitney was sitting outside. When Clark walked up, he blushed a deep red and slid the book he was reading into his backpack. "Clark." His voice cracked slightly.

Clark took a deep breath and made himself walk over to the row of seats in front of Mr. Font's office. "Hey, Whitney." Licking his lips, he stood uneasily over Whitney a moment, before finally sitting down.

For long moment, neither spoke. Whitney was staring at his shoes, body stiff, cheeks red. Clark gazed at the wall in front of him and pulled out his toy truck.

"Uh, how are you?" Whitney asked after a long moment.

Clark shrugged. "Ok. You?"

"Fine, I guess. I think they're going to send me home, though. Everyone was upset I decided to come to school today."

"Yeah, uh. You'd think you'd take a few more days off, just to... just to think."

"My aunts are still at my house. I needed to get out. Besides," he added after a moment, throwing a glance at Clark, "I wanted to see you."

His throat closed up, so all Clark could do was nod.

Whitney sighed and sat up. "Look," he said, turning to face Clark. "I'm sorry about what I did. I honestly can't say why I kissed you. I... No. Uh, that's kind of a lie. I think... I think I might like you. Like that. Like... as in I'm attracted to you."

Clark risked glancing at Whitney; he was so red Clark thought he'd catch fire any moment.

"You are?" Clark said after a moment.

"I don't know. I never... I've never been attracted to guys. At least, I don't think I have, but... I think I am to you. I mean, you're handsome, and smart, and funny, and I like spending time with you. Maybe somewhere in hanging out, because you were comfortable, I started falling for you. And it turned into something else without me realizing it."

"You're, uh. You're taking this pretty well. I mean, I expected that you'd be more freaked out that you might be gay. Or, more in denial or something."

Whitney rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. "I'm too tired, Clark," he said softly. "I've spent so much time worrying about my dad, my scholarship, my career, Lana, my mother, the store, my future, and everything, I just can't care about my sexuality. It doesn't fucking matter, you know? Not in the grand scheme of things, and I know that sounds as cliched as hell, but it's true." He swallowed, voice growing rough. "My dad died young, and he never made it out of this town. And maybe he didn't mind; maybe this life was enough for him, but it isn't for me. I want... I want to live, Clark. You know? Just get out there and do something." He opened his eyes and looked at Clark, hope in his eyes.

He nodded. "Yeah. I know what you mean."

"I've been thinking about all this lately anyway. About leaving Smallville and what I want to do with my life. And I just can't bring myself to care who I live my life with. If I'm with a woman, fine. But if I meet a guy... a guy like you, maybe..."

"I have a boyfriend." It came out quietly and Clark kept his eyes on the toy truck. He didn't want to see the tentative hope that was in Whitney's eyes die.

But then, Whitney wasn't saying anything, and Clark had to look.

"Whitney?"

Whitney closed his eyes. "At least you're gay too," he whispered. "I was so worried what I did to you was worse because I was a guy."

"Whitney, what you did wasn't bad."

"Then why were you so scared?" Whitney's eyes opened and his voice was suddenly strong again. "If what I did was ok, why did you freak out?"

"Because I thought I made you do it!" Clark winced and lowered his voice. "I thought that... that something about me made you want to do it."

Whitney frowned. "Well, in a way, it did. You're gorgeous and smart and easy to talk to. You're... well, you're attractive. But I made the choice to kiss you; you didn't make me do anything." He leaned forward anxiously. "You do understand the difference, right? You're not responsible for other people's actions, and the moment you say no, they have to stop or they're wrong. They are wrong, Clark. Not you."

Clark rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, I know."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Whitney. I spent the weekend trying to learn the difference." He sighed. "I'm sorry I freaked out."

"I'm sorry I kissed you. I never meant to scare you like that; it was the last thing you needed."

He smiled crookedly. "Like you needed it, right? I mean, you were the one with the trauma going on in your life."

Whitney put his hand on Clark's knee. "Hey," he said softly. "I'm not the only one, am I?"

Flushing, Clark shook his head. "No. You're not."

"If you ever want to talk about what happened to you..."

"How do you know?"

"Figured it out. I suspected when I saw your reaction to the note Chloe passed you, and when you ran away, it pretty much confirmed it." Whitney squeezed his knee. "That's why I felt so bad."

"You shouldn't. It wasn't your fault. You were just being really brave."

Whitney laughed and let go of Clark's knee. "I was acting on instinct. I didn't even know I was going to do it until I was kissing you." He sighed. "Did you tell your mom?"

Clark nodded. "Hope you don't mind."

"Naw. Just don't tell anyone else, ok?"

Clark flushed. "Well I told my boyfriend."

He groaned. "Is he angry?"

"Naw. I mean, jealous, I guess, but he trusts me. And he's not going to do anything to you, because he knows I don't want that."

"Good." Whitney cleared his throat. "How long have you known you were gay?"

"Uh, about seven months or so. And I don't call myself gay; I don't... I don't know what I am. I guess I'm bi, because I'm still attracted to girls. I just... I've been in a serious relationship with a guy for six months now, and don't see myself with anyone else."

"Can I ask who?"

"You can't tell."

"I won't."

"Lex."

"Ah." Whitney thought about it a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. Now that I know, it's really obvious." He was silent a moment. "Your parents know?"

Clark nodded.

"Your mom gave me a book yesterday. It's helped. Or, at least, it's interesting."

"I have more."

Whitney nodded. "Can I, maybe, sometime come over and look at them? And, uh, maybe shoot a few hoops or something?"

Clark thought about it a moment, then nodded. "Yeah," he answered. "That would be nice."

Fin.


End file.
